"I wouldn't need the talcum powder."
Though, in this gentleman's case, I think he'll need more than talcum powder. Ice. Maybe some ibuprofen. Probably some alcohol to ease the pain and embarrassment.
If you're going to be acting dumb, I suggest you don't do it near exercise machines, especially if they're on. However, if you decide to do it anyway, make sure someone has a camera so the rest of us can relive it and feel better about ourselves.
It just never gets old.