Crime Time: S-M-R-T

Because of the long weekend, some of the reports are still behind, so forgive me if this week's post is a little lacking.

A car with two passengers and Hello Kitty stickers on the back windows was observed pulling up and taking mail from a mailbox in the 17000 block of Martha Drive at 11:16 a.m. May 21.

Damn that Hello Kitty! She's clearly a bad influence.

Gardening tools and gloves were stolen from an open garage in the 3700 block of West Dory Drive between 1:45 p.m. and 3 p.m. May 20.

At least they were smart enough to steal the gloves, too. Clearly they have some serious gardening to get done!

Police are seeking a 33-year-old woman who shoplifted a total of $54 worth of groceries at Pick 'n Save, 7780 S. Lovers Lane Road, on three separate occasions between April 23 and May 4. The suspect was identified by her Advantage Card, which she swiped in the self-checkout lanes during each incident.

As a general rule, if you're planning to steal shit, you probably don't need to use your savings card.

Two 69-year-old Franklin men were arrested for disorderly conduct after they had a physical altercation in the 6800 block of South 109th Street at about 11 a.m. May 21. One of the men struck the other in the face with binoculars, and a scuffle ensued, resulting in both men sustaining minor injuries.

This sounds like an awesome sitcom waiting to happen. FOX, I'm looking at you...

A resident in the 5300 block of South 43rd Street called police at 12:10 p.m. May 24 to report she saw a bobcat in her yard during the past several nights. Police responded and saw no evidence of a bobcat in the resident's yard.

I live right around here, and the only bobcat you're likely to see is this kind. (Or possibly this kind, but even that's a long-shot.)

An officer who stopped to assist a disabled vehicle at 108th Street and Edgerton Avenue at 6:30 a.m. May 25 discovered the vehicle was not disabled but that the driver had stopped her car because she was deathly afraid of spiders and believed one was crawling on her hand. The officer assisted the driver by checking for spiders in the vehicle and she was sent on her way.

This sounds like something I would do. Actually, funny/true story for you all. When Hubby and I first started hanging out, we were driving around when a spider dropped down near him. He flipped his shit a little (who wouldn't?) and flung it out the window as fast as he could. That's when I knew I liked him. :)

A 21-year-old Palmyra man was arrested for drunken driving, possession of drug paraphernalia, open intoxicants, suspended registration, not carrying a driver's license, failure to have insurance and unsafe lane deviation in the 14400 block of Interstate 43 at 6:10 a.m. May 19. The man failed to stop for more than 10 minutes while he was followed by a squad car. An open bottle of rum was found in the car along with a pipe and jar both with marijuana residue and an orange pill which is being tested. The man, who admitted the marijuana and paraphernalia were his, said he was "just a pot head." He also told police he had just purchased the pipe and asked if he could have it back. His blood alcohol content was 0.14.

Telling the cops you're "just a pot head" is probably not the best defense after you've been driving under the influence without your license or insurance (and while having a suspended registration), but points for the attempt to get the newly purchased pipe back. I mean, it's never gonna happen, but I like the effort. Go big or go to jail. Or both.

A 76 year-old man and a 73-old woman both of Mequon were cited for disorderly conduct at an apartment complex in the 10800 block of North Port Washington Road about noon May 22. The man said the woman insulted him, saying he needed a bath and should cut his dog's toenails. The woman said he pushed and grabbed her. After they were cited, they were told not to talk to each other. However, later that day about 5 p.m. the man reportedly spoke to the woman and was issued another citation.

Telling someone they need a bath is a legitimate insult, but that his dog's toenails needed to be cut? Leave the dog out of this, ma'am. 

Officers responded to Mainstay Suites, 1001 W. College Ave., after the front desk clerk reported there was a woman in the parking lot who was too drunk to walk at 4:55 a.m. May 18. While officers were enroute to the hotel, the clerk called back and stated that a man just wheeled the woman through the lobby on a luggage cart and went into the elevator. An officer spoke to the man, who stated the woman was too heavy to lift without assistance, so he used a luggage trolley to take her back to the room. The man also told police he had taken the woman to senior prom in 1964 and was reuniting with her for the weekend.

Awww, how... sweet?

Police were dispatched to 725 American Ave. at 3:58 p.m. May 21 on a report of a suspicious package in the parking structure. It turned out to be an abandoned coffeemaker.

Yep. That happened. *facepalm*

A woman called police after someone tried using her debit card in Israel on May 13. She gave her information to set up what she thought would be a new AOL account but was on a site posing as AOL.

"New" and "AOL" shouldn't appear in any sentence together. At least, not since 1995. 

My Love/Hate Relationship With Camping

Having gone camping this weekend, camping is on my mind.  It wasn't a great trip, sadly.  We got the tent up just before it began to rain and then took a drive to wait it out.  The rest of the afternoon was great.  We had blue skies and made a lovely fire (over which we made pizza pudgie pies...  NOM!).  But just as we were finishing dinner, it started to rain again.  That was around 8 or 8:30.  It rained on and off for the rest of the night.  Every time we thought it had stopped, we'd hop out of the car and sit by the fire for a minute before getting hammered again.

Around 2 AM, we got woken up (OK, Zach got woken up; I hadn't fallen asleep yet) by a park ranger because bad storms were coming our way.  We got to spend about 30 minutes in the men's bathroom with 6 other adults, two dogs (Maxi was one) and twin 3-month-olds (who were, thankfully, pretty quiet at that point).  After we got the OK to head back to camp, I just read until I was so tired I physically couldn't stay awake.  Even then, I couldn't get comfortable.  Ugh.

You'd think I'd be used to this by now, but no.  To put it nicely, I didn't grow up in a camping family.  (Actually, that's a hell of an understatement, but we'll go with it for now.)  My mom's idea of 'roughing it' when I was growing up was a motel without cable (which has since been upgraded to a hotel without room service).  Sure, Mom used to go "camping" with me as a Girl Scout, but only when it involved sleeping indoors on a mattress or bed.  The one time I went camping with my dad (for a Father's Day outing), the two of us slept in a tent so big it had room for two separate cots AND a generator so we could have a fan at night. Being slightly more outdoorsy, Dad and I actually went canoeing in the morning (because my parents owned a canoe, though I still don't know why, since that's the only time it has been used in my lifetime).

I had my first tent experience when I was about 6.  I had been going to a day camp with a few other Girl Scouts and on the last night, we got to stay over in the field next to the Girl Scout office.  I quickly learned two things.  The first is that spiders love tents, which made me terrified of the tent itself (after someone took all the visible spiders off, I was able to go into the tent, but didn't get out again until time for breakfast).  The second was that sleeping on the ground really isn't very comfortable.  I did a lot of similar day camps, but as I got older, I realized that as a Program Aid (the girls too old for the camp who were just there to lead activities) you got to sleep inside.  Since I loved the day part of day camp, it was natural for me to head in that direction.

In sixth grade, our class took a winter camping trip in February.  The things we did during the day were great; we learned to make a fire without matches and attempted to build a snow cave (though there wasn't enough snow on the ground).  The first night, I was crazy enough to actually sleep in a tent (though, instead of being on the ground, it was on a platform).  The second night I slept inside, but it was too late and I wound up sick.  It was definitely an interesting experience, but not one I'm rushing to repeat (though, the lack of spiders does make it mildly appealing).

Eventually, my mom decided I would like being a camp counselor and got me signed up for a 3-week counselor-in-training program.  Since I enjoyed being a PA so much, I should love this!  

I didn't.

I was the most homesick 15-year-old you could possibly have imagined.  I cried myself to sleep every night and wrote letters home asking Mom and Dad to come get me.  I actually got to call my parents, something that very few campers are allowed to do unless there's an emergency.  I was dead set on going home.  And then something changed.  I had made friends and was learning to enjoy camping (platform tents ftw).  I ended up staying the full 3 weeks and, much to everyone's surprise, I came back the next summer for the 4-week follow up.  

I wound up working at that camp for 4 summers.  Those summers had some of the best and worst experiences of my life and I wouldn't trade them for anything.  I made some amazing friends, had some amazing times, and (hopefully) made camp a fun place for my campers.

So while I absolutely hate rainy weather, sleeping on the uneven ground, spiders and other bugs, I also love the fresh air, the smell of trees and dirt, cooking over a fire and spending time with my hubby or good friends.  It's the biggest love/hate relationship in my life, and I can't wait to do it again in the fall.  :-) 

Bugs Are Gross.

I'm not really a girly girl.  Promise.  I have very little tolerance for the color pink.  I don't do lots of ruffles and fluff.  Until I had a place of my own, the only things I "cooked" were Kraft mac & cheese, frozen pizzas and toast.  And I'd rather play with toy trucks than I would with baby dolls.

But bugs and spiders are another story.  This is where my girliness really shines through.  OK, not all bugs are gross.  Ladybugs are cute (as long as they aren't those imposter Asian beetles that bite).  Caterpillars/Butterflies are beautiful and fun.  Lightning bugs are amazing!  I don't mind ants or roly-poly bugs.  And while they suck (literally and figuratively), mosquitoes only succeed in making me yell and itch.

There are two creepy crawlies that I really, truly cannot stand: spiders and silverfish.  

Spiders

I have been afraid of spiders since... Well, since I was born, probably.  I'm one of the most arachnophobic people you'll ever meet.  Once, when I was about 8 or 9, I saw a spider in my room.  I tried to get my dad to kill it, but before he got there, it was gone.  I slept on the couch in the family room for a few nights since I didn't know where it had gone, and I was NOT sleeping with a spider on the loose in such close quarters!  

When I was in my early twenties, I remember sitting on the couch downstairs when I saw a spider booking it across the floor.  I panicked.  I had no clue what to do.  It was headed toward my only escape route, and I was determined to live on the couch in order to avoid it.  I got talked into killing it myself, so I went to the fireplace (it was a safe enough distance from me at that point) and grabbed the little broom that gets kept there.  I got as close as I had to and beat the HELL out of that spider with my broom.  I then grabbed probably 10-15 tissues to pick it's squashed little body up and flushed it down the toilet.  

The very next night, I saw the same flippin' spider, hauling ass across the floor.  I thought I was having a "Groundhog Day" moment!  Repeat the scene from the previous night.  

Third night, SAME DAMN SPIDER.  Turns out there was a nest of those fuckers hiding in the wall and I was just seeing the same type of spider each night (which is only slightly better than a spider that comes back from the dead to haunt you each night).  Dad bombed it and I didn't have the problem again, but it was a less than pleasant experience.

Girl Scout camp actually taught me to deal with most spiders without too much flailing.  If they're on the ceiling or in a dark corner, I give them a name and talk to them a bit.  Ask them to leave before my hubby gets home (though, in all fairness, he hates spiders nearly as much as I do), lest there be consequences.  They never listen, but I keep trying.  If they're outside, I just walk away.  Outside is their domain, and I respect that.  Inside, though, all bets are off.

Silverfish

My first encounter with a silverfish was actually in college.  My college roomie and I had one scurry across our room one night, and I didn't know what the hell it was.  Some kind of small alien?  A science experiment gone terribly awry?  What the HELL kind of creature is that?!

I didn't see one again, I think, until we bought this house.  Since owning this house (not even 2 years yet), I have seen at least 6 of the bastards, and it scares me shitless every damn time.  The first time I saw one I was headed to the basement.  Now, I didn't grow up with a traditional basement (we had a finished lower level in a split ranch), so to this day, basements scare me a bit.  And as I was headed down there, I saw that same scurrying I had seen in college.  I bolted upstairs and didn't go into the basement for a few days.

The next time was while I was working.  I was just sitting here, minding my own business, when I saw movement.  Sure enough, there was a damn silverfish on the curtains.  A-hole.  I grabbed the vacuum, but by the time I got back, it was gone.  I kept the vacuum there for 3 days, just in case.

My most epic battle involving a silverfish had to be today.  I decided to do some laundry on my break, since Hubby and I are going camping this weekend.  I grabbed some stuff from his hamper, and then started grabbing clothes from my hamper when something moved.  I gasped, jumped back, and looked into the hamper.  A G-D silverfish was squirming around in there like it was his own personal pool or something.  I froze for a bit before picking up a shoe (a really nice dress shoe, at that) and hitting it.  I dropped the shoe in the hamper and ran.  

I plugged in the vacuum and got the extender attachment ready.  I used it to pick up my shoe (in case he had decided to infest it next) and, upon seeing it bug-free, put it back on the floor.  Then I used it to gently push my sock out of the way, and there he was.  Not yet dead, but definitely stunned by my hit.  It took two tries (the first time I nearly sucked up a pair of underroos), but I sucked the damn thing into the vacuum.  I left it running, to make sure he got good and sucked up, and then left the room.  The vacuum is still in the bedroom, there's a basket of clothes in the hall, and I'm not about to do anything about it until Hubby is home.  Eff that.

I haven't learned any tricks for dealing with those creeps yet.  They come out of nowhere and are gone just as quickly, but you just know they're waiting for the right time to show up again.  Nowhere is safe.  Nowhere.  Is.  Safe.    

Edit: I've just learned that what I'm encountering are called house centipedes, not actually silverfish.  They're still creepy and I still dislike them in my home.  That is all.