Thursday, May 30, 2013

Crime Time: S-M-R-T

Because of the long weekend, some of the reports are still behind, so forgive me if this week's post is a little lacking.

A car with two passengers and Hello Kitty stickers on the back windows was observed pulling up and taking mail from a mailbox in the 17000 block of Martha Drive at 11:16 a.m. May 21.

Damn that Hello Kitty! She's clearly a bad influence.

Gardening tools and gloves were stolen from an open garage in the 3700 block of West Dory Drive between 1:45 p.m. and 3 p.m. May 20.

At least they were smart enough to steal the gloves, too. Clearly they have some serious gardening to get done!

Police are seeking a 33-year-old woman who shoplifted a total of $54 worth of groceries at Pick 'n Save, 7780 S. Lovers Lane Road, on three separate occasions between April 23 and May 4. The suspect was identified by her Advantage Card, which she swiped in the self-checkout lanes during each incident.

As a general rule, if you're planning to steal shit, you probably don't need to use your savings card.

Two 69-year-old Franklin men were arrested for disorderly conduct after they had a physical altercation in the 6800 block of South 109th Street at about 11 a.m. May 21. One of the men struck the other in the face with binoculars, and a scuffle ensued, resulting in both men sustaining minor injuries.

This sounds like an awesome sitcom waiting to happen. FOX, I'm looking at you...

A resident in the 5300 block of South 43rd Street called police at 12:10 p.m. May 24 to report she saw a bobcat in her yard during the past several nights. Police responded and saw no evidence of a bobcat in the resident's yard.

I live right around here, and the only bobcat you're likely to see is this kind. (Or possibly this kind, but even that's a long-shot.)

An officer who stopped to assist a disabled vehicle at 108th Street and Edgerton Avenue at 6:30 a.m. May 25 discovered the vehicle was not disabled but that the driver had stopped her car because she was deathly afraid of spiders and believed one was crawling on her hand. The officer assisted the driver by checking for spiders in the vehicle and she was sent on her way.

This sounds like something I would do. Actually, funny/true story for you all. When Hubby and I first started hanging out, we were driving around when a spider dropped down near him. He flipped his shit a little (who wouldn't?) and flung it out the window as fast as he could. That's when I knew I liked him. :)

A 21-year-old Palmyra man was arrested for drunken driving, possession of drug paraphernalia, open intoxicants, suspended registration, not carrying a driver's license, failure to have insurance and unsafe lane deviation in the 14400 block of Interstate 43 at 6:10 a.m. May 19. The man failed to stop for more than 10 minutes while he was followed by a squad car. An open bottle of rum was found in the car along with a pipe and jar both with marijuana residue and an orange pill which is being tested. The man, who admitted the marijuana and paraphernalia were his, said he was "just a pot head." He also told police he had just purchased the pipe and asked if he could have it back. His blood alcohol content was 0.14.

Telling the cops you're "just a pot head" is probably not the best defense after you've been driving under the influence without your license or insurance (and while having a suspended registration), but points for the attempt to get the newly purchased pipe back. I mean, it's never gonna happen, but I like the effort. Go big or go to jail. Or both.

A 76 year-old man and a 73-old woman both of Mequon were cited for disorderly conduct at an apartment complex in the 10800 block of North Port Washington Road about noon May 22. The man said the woman insulted him, saying he needed a bath and should cut his dog's toenails. The woman said he pushed and grabbed her. After they were cited, they were told not to talk to each other. However, later that day about 5 p.m. the man reportedly spoke to the woman and was issued another citation.

Telling someone they need a bath is a legitimate insult, but that his dog's toenails needed to be cut? Leave the dog out of this, ma'am. 

Officers responded to Mainstay Suites, 1001 W. College Ave., after the front desk clerk reported there was a woman in the parking lot who was too drunk to walk at 4:55 a.m. May 18. While officers were enroute to the hotel, the clerk called back and stated that a man just wheeled the woman through the lobby on a luggage cart and went into the elevator. An officer spoke to the man, who stated the woman was too heavy to lift without assistance, so he used a luggage trolley to take her back to the room. The man also told police he had taken the woman to senior prom in 1964 and was reuniting with her for the weekend.

Awww, how... sweet?

Police were dispatched to 725 American Ave. at 3:58 p.m. May 21 on a report of a suspicious package in the parking structure. It turned out to be an abandoned coffeemaker.

Yep. That happened. *facepalm*

A woman called police after someone tried using her debit card in Israel on May 13. She gave her information to set up what she thought would be a new AOL account but was on a site posing as AOL.

"New" and "AOL" shouldn't appear in any sentence together. At least, not since 1995. 

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Crime Time: Dirt, Shit & Spit

A day late, I know, but hopefully you'll forgive me. :)

An egg was found smashed inside a mailbox in the 9200 block of North Waverley Drive at 11:30 a.m. May 19. No damage was reported.

No damage?? That poor egg is totaled! Have you no heart?

A man was arrested for physical abuse of a child and that child, a male juvenile, ages and residences not released, for disorderly conduct after they got into a fight during a basketball game at Fairy Chasm Park, 5712 Fairy Chasm Road, at 5:15 p.m. April 24. The fight started when the boy blocked the man's shot and then the two began to "trash talk." No major injuries were reported.

When I first started reading this one, I went, "Oh shit, physical abuse of a child... How awful!" And then after reading I was like, well... Maaaaaaybe he had it coming.*

Six boxes of shrimp valued at $180 were taken from Na Na Asian Fusion & Sushi Bar, 4511 N. Oakland Ave., at 3 p.m. May 10. The suspect was a male, about 6-feet tall who entered through a rear door and left with the shrimp.  

Poor shrimp. They were just prawns in his game.

A resident called police after picking up "several pieces of dog feces" from a yard in the 2600 block of East Edgewood Avenue at 7 p.m. May 12. The resident asked the police to do a DNA test so the dog could be located. 

While I understand being upset about the dog shit, asking for a DNA test is not a normal reaction. I'd have set up a camera to see whose dog it was. Then I'd put the shit in a box. Then I'd put that box inside of another box and mail it to myself. And when it arrived, I'd smash it with a hammer! Wait, no. That doesn't get me anywhere good. Scratch that. I'd put it in a bag, set it on fire and leave it at the jackass's house. Much better.

Eleven 55-gallon drums filled with dirt were taken from Burger King, 4555 W. Forest Home Ave., between May 8 and May 14.

Now how will they make their Whoppers?!

An intoxicated male was lying on the ground after he walked into a tree and fell down at 76th Street and Cold Spring Road at 2:30 a.m. May 19. His girlfriend arrived at the scene and picked him up.

He's lucky his girlfriend is so nice. I'd have taken pictures and called him George of the Jungle. At minimum. 

A 24-year-old Milwaukee man was arrested for drunken driving, with a prior conviction, driving with a revoked license, also with a prior conviction, a warrant, refusal to take a breath test and driving west in an eastbound lane on Mequon Road at River Road at 2:15 a.m. May 15. He told police he had not been drinking and was on his way "to my crib." His preliminary blood alcohol content was 0.279, and after a judge issued a warrant he was taken for a blood draw.  

I think this one largely speaks for itself. Moving on.

A small blue spruce tree was stolen from a residential property in the 2600 block of East Oakwood Road between 3:30 p.m. May 14 and 3:30 p.m. May 15. This is the second occurrence of tree theft at the residence in less than one week.

Let me see if I understand this. Someone is coming into this yard and stealing trees, right? So, either they're digging large enough holes to pull the trees out of the ground whole, or they're chopping them down... And no one has witnessed this? Seems shady to me.

Police and firefighters responded to a fire alarm at Tanglewood Apartments, 1785 W. Meyer Lane, at 5:43 a.m. May 16. An officer spoke to a resident who stated his wife accidentally triggered the alarm as she attempted to hit a cockroach that was climbing up the wall near the fire alarm. An officer spoke with the manager, and he confirmed there was a problem with bugs at the building.

For the record, Hubby and I used to live at Tanglewood. All I can say is ewwwwwwwwwwww!

A woman was arrested for spitting in the face of an employee of Hot Topic at Mayfair, 2500 N. Mayfair Road, at 8:53 May 14. She said she was mad at the employee for calling her "ghetto."

In the woman's defense, the employee really shouldn't be insulting customers. In the employee's defense, she was probably pretty ghetto.

And now, because springtime = animals being crazy...

Police responded to a report of a large turtle in the street on Freistadt Road and River Lane at 10:50 a.m. May 14. The turtle was pushed into the ditch so that regular traffic could resume. 

That must've been a big ass turtle. I mean, if I was in the middle of the street, I don't think it would stop traffic... 

A resident in the W143 N9600 block of Amber Drive called police after she found a yellow and black snake in her front yard at 11:55 a.m. May 15. Upon arrival, the responding officer observed a large grass snake, about 21/2 to 3 feet in length, disappear under a group of bushes. The officer advised the resident to call an exterminator or purchase snake repellent.

Is snake repellent a thing? (A Google search indicates that yes, apparently it is.)

A boa constrictor was found in the front yard of a residence in the 12000 block of West Layton Avenue about 11:30 a.m. May 15. By the time police arrived, the resident had the snake in a bag, which officers took to the Milwaukee Area Domestic Animal Control Center.

Sir/Ma'am, I'm not sure how you managed to get the boa in the bag... But well done. Well fucking done.

*I say this only because I imagine it's probably an 18-20 year old who hit a 16 year old, you know? More than likely, it's not like some parent was beating the crap out of their 5 year old... Nothing funny about that shit.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Wednesday Crime Time: Gone to the Animals

Happy Hump Day! Here we go!

A Shorewood man, age not released, was warned for dogs at large after a woman called police to report his two schnauzers "came at her" as she walked in the 4500 block of North Wilson Drive at 1 p.m. May 7. She told him his dogs should be on a leash and he told her, "You need to be on a leash." He later apologized. 

Personally, I'd like to give him a high five for that quick retort, though I feel like he completely missed a golden opportunity to call her a bitch. (It's a dog joke, son.)

A woman, age and residence not released, was arrested for drunken driving, with a prior conviction, illegal possession of a Schedule II narcotic, driving with a revoked license, defective tail lights, defective brake lights, failure to have insurance and open intoxicants after weaving in traffic in the 4800 block of North Sheffield Avenue about 2:45 a.m. May 7. The woman had three Adderall pills in her purse which she said weren't hers. She admitted knowing her license was revoked. Her BAC was 0.12.

On the plus side... Nope. I got nothin'. 

A 32-year-old Brookfield man was cited for littering after he illegally dumped seven large, empty boxes in the trash at Applebee's, 20101 W. Bluemound Road, before 3:30 p.m. May 4.  

He could have at least dumped them in the recycling bin. Save the planet, dude.

Three men, at least one of them carrying a handgun, robbed Kentucky Fried Chicken, 6311 S. 27th St., at 10 p.m. May 10. The men, two wearing bandanas and one wearing a monkey mask, fled the store on foot with an undisclosed amount of money. Police are investigating.

See, this is what happens when the man in the yellow hat is replaced with two men in bandanas: Curious George Robs a KFC. 

A caller reported two cows running in the road in the 9000 block of West County Line Road about 1:30 p.m. May 11. Police made contact with the owner of the cows, who retrieved them.

I know there's a "Why did the cows cross the road?" joke in here somewhere... In the mean time, anyone who is still partying must immediately stop; the cows have come home.

A staff member at Kindred Transitional Care and Rehab, 5700 W. Layton Ave., called police after two patients began arguing at dinner and one of them threw a sandwich at 7:40 p.m. May 8. 

There are nicer ways of sending your order back that don't result in the police showing up, but where's the fun in that?

About $1 in change was stolen from a home and a television set was disconnected but not stolen during a residential burglary. The back door was forced open, and witnesses said they saw two vehicles in the driveway of the home between 7:30 and 8 p.m. May 4. The home is uninhabited. The location of this burglary was redacted by police.

Worst. Burglars. Ever.

"Man robs Wade gas station of cash, bread and bag of pork skins." 

This one was sent to me for special inclusion in Crime Time from a friend/reader. You can check out the story here, but the headline pretty much says it all. I hope those pork skins were worth it, dirt bag! You are a MENACE to the pork product industry and we will not stand for this injustice!! I mean, what's next? Bacon? Oh NO you do not!!

And now a couple to make you feel a little warm and fuzzy (and possibly restore some of your faith in humanity... but probably not).
An officer was flagged down by a bicyclist in the median at 27th Street and Sycamore Avenue to assist a duck and her ducklings across the street at 12:50 p.m. May 1. The officer helped move the ducks to a pond.

Police received a call for assistance about 2:25 p.m. May 11 after a mother duck and her ducklings got stuck in a median while attempting to cross the road in the 7500 block of West Rawson Avenue. The ducks were no longer in the area when an officer arrived.

A resident called police to report a duckling fell into a sewer near the pond behind Pick 'n Save on Sylvan Circle and Squire Drive at 6:55 p.m. May 11. The duckling was removed from the sewer and reunited with ducks that were waiting near the scene.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Wed-nes-day CT

Yep, it's Wednesday. You know what that means... Crime Time!

A resident reported fraudulent use of his credit card, which he still had, at 5:30 p.m. April 27. It had been used at stores in Grand Avenue and Mayfair malls purchasing items valued at more than $700 including electronics and Major League Baseball caps from a number of teams including the New York Yankees, Seattle Pilots and Philadelphia Phillies. There was also a charge for $12 at Panera Bread. 

Rookie mistake. You need to carbo-load BEFORE the shopping.

Five Cudahy residents were arrested for disorderly conduct at a duplex in the 5900 block of South Hately Avenue, at around 7 a.m. April 30, after they engaged in a brawl over a dispute between the two families living in the duplex. The incident began when a 21-year-old man, also charged with battery and the only person that does not live on the premises, confronted a 23-year-old man over alleged insults to his mother. The younger man began punching the older man, and both men picked up small bats. The older man's 18-year-old wife then attacked the other man with her own bat, at which point the younger man's 17-year-old sister and 38-year-old mother entered the fray to subdue her. The 21-year-old man was hospitalized for a deep wound he received to his head.

Remember: Yo Mama jokes are only funny if everyone's in on the joke.

An 18-year-old Cudahy man was arrested for firing his handgun at a man in a passing car near 14th and Minnesota avenues, around 3 p.m. April 30. A resident followed the man's car to record his license plate number, and about 30 minutes later the man was located hiding behind a door in a residence in the 900 block of West Harrison Avenue in Milwaukee, and brought back to South Milwaukee. The victim was not injured, but at least one bullet pierced his car. The victim said that the shooting was about a drug deal that had gone bad a year ago, while the perpetrator said that it was because the victim had set him up in a robbery case.  

So, this was either about a bad drug deal from a year ago or because someone was framed for robbery? Seems legit.

A 35-year-old Milwaukee woman was arrested for shoplifting women's clothing and a purse at Goodwill Industries, 6941 S. Riverwood Blvd., at 1:35 p.m. May 3.

A 30-year-old Milwaukee man was arrested for shoplifting after he was seen concealing merchandise at Goodwill Industries, 6941 S. Riverwood Blvd., at 3:20 p.m. May 3. 

Dude. It's Goodwill. If you need it badly enough, just ask.

A 51-year-old man was arrested for shoplifting after police found $53 worth of hair clippers in his possession that belonged to Walmart, 6701 S. 27th St., after he was found passed out in Oak Creek at 2:55 p.m. May 4. After being booked and cited, the man was taken to West Allis Memorial Hospital for evaluation.  

Seems like a pretty hairy situation. 

A 59-year-old Mequon man was arrested for possession of 5.6 grams of marijuana found in a backpack at the Clark Station, 10355 N. Port Washington Road, at 10:35 a.m. April 24. The man had ridden his bicycle to the station and left the backpack on a newspaper box. Police were called and found the marijuana along with the man's cellphone. He was identified and told to get his property at the station. When he arrived later that afternoon, he immediately identified the backpack as his and after looking inside said, "Yes, everything's here."  

"I'm gonna get my weed back too, right? Right? Aw, shit."

Irrigation supplies and a well pump were stolen at Nature's Nook, 9801 S. 27th St., between Feb. 28 and 8 a.m. April 30.

Who steals irrigation supplies?? And how does that even get started? "Hey, man. You know what I could really use? Some irrigation supplies." "Dude, I was JUST thinking about how much I need a well pump!" "Wanna go steal 'em?" "Sure!"

A woman called police to complain about a man that was littering after she saw him placing large plastic bags full of garbage in the trees and on the ground in the 9000 block of South Aspen Drive at 7:15 p.m. April 28. Officers responded to the area and found six bags of garbage on South Aspen Drive and 30 bags of garbage below the Oak Leaf Park sign on Centennial Drive. The park was very clean with the exception of the basketball courts, and police later learned the man was part of a group was out cleaning up the community for Earth Day.

Damn those good Samaritans!  Wait...

A resident in the 5000 block of South Brookdale Drive reported a wolf or coyote in her yard at 7:40 p.m. May 5. Officers were unable to locate the animal. 

A resident in the 9600 block of South Shepard Avenue reported seeing a coyote walking on the bike path between Howell and Shepard across from East Middle School at 8:25 a.m. April 24. The caller was concerned for children who use the path to get to school and wanted officers to check the area. An officer checked the area but did not locate any coyotes.

You'd think that the cops would have something better to do than check up on a litterer or chase invisible/imaginary coyotes, but from experience I can tell you that some of the cops in the 'burbs get pretty bored and will jump on the chance to do anything police-like. 

So stay safe and stay smart, friends, lest you end up in my weekly Crime Time... 

Friday, May 3, 2013

The Streak Ends

Hubby and I have gone to a decent number of sporting events over the past 7 years. We've seen three Packers games at Lambeau. We've seen 2 or 3 Admirals games and LOTS of Brewers games here in Milwaukee. In Madison, we've been to a UW men's basketball game and a hockey game, as well as a Mallards game or two. We've been to UW-Whitewater (Hubby's alma mater) football games, too! And every game we've been to, the home team won...

Until last night.

The Brewers gave a valiant effort to rally at last night's game against the Cardinals, but they fell short in the end. 

We thought our streak was going to end with an Admirals game a few months ago. Ads were down by two goals with less than 2 minutes on the clock. But then they managed to tie it up and win in OT. That gave me hope last night when the Crew got within a run of the Cards. Maybe they could win this thing! But, alas, it was not to be.

I think it's good that our streak has ended, as a few good things have come of it:

1) I can talk about it now. Yes, I'm one of those silly superstitious sports fans, and talking about the stream out loud was forbidden. Now I can tell you all how amazing it was to be at all those victories! We watched the Crew's only win during the post-season in 2008, and we watched them clinch the division in 2011! We've seen crazy comebacks and absolute waffle-stompings, both equally exciting in their own ways. It's been a great run!

2) I know that a loss isn't the end of the world. I mean, I've seen PLENTY on TV, but this was the first (in a long time, anyway) that I'd seen in person. And you know what? We still had fun! We cheered on our team and played along with the games in between innings, just like we would during a win. The only thing that was really different was the lack of energy from the crowd, and even that picked back up when we got close! 

3) No more pressure. It sounds silly, but I felt this sort of pressure when I went to games, like it depended on us being there. (It's not just me; check out this article... We love to think we have a hand in the outcome of a game!) Now I can go and whatever happens just happens. 

So it was definitely a bummer to lose last night. But as we walked out, they reminded us not to worry, "Cause every little thing gonna be alright..." There's still a lot of baseball left this season... Let's go, Crew!

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Crime Time

For the past few months, I've been checking the local police reports to see what kind of shit goes down in the Milwaukee area. Most of it's pretty standard: theft (apparently women in their later 20s to early 40s really like to shoplift), drunk driving, vandalism, etc. But some of them are too good, bad, or weird to keep to myself.

So allow me to present the first ever Crime Time post. I check these weekly, so expect more goodies to come.

The following are from official police reports in the greater Milwaukee area.

A caller reported a suspicious male was "lingering" around the park in the 10700 block of West Cold Spring Road at about 8:25 p.m. April 25. The caller told police the man, described as a white male about 40 to 50 years old with dark hair, went in the Porta Potty near the back end of the park and when he exited the he had changed from his work clothes into a white dress. The caller further stated that when the man noticed he was being watched by the caller and her family, he "high-tailed it out of there" and was last seen driving eastbound on West Cold Spring Road. Police checked the area but were unable to locate a man wearing a white dress.

You'd think a man in a white dress would stand out. Also, he might've been "lingering" but was he really all that threatening? Maybe he can't be himself at home (sad) and needed a place to change. Or maybe he's a superhero! I mean, phone booths aren't all that prevalent anymore...

A 17-year-old Mequon youth and 16-year-old youth, residence not listed, were cited for disorderly conduct after a caller said there were kids fighting in a parking lot in the 100 block of North Orchard Street at 3:20 p.m. April 14. It appeared other youths were filming the fight, and when officers arrived, the group left the area. Police later identified the fight participants from a YouTube video that was posted online.  

Seriously? Kids, here's a tip. If you're going to be stupid (like, illegal or getting the police involved kind of stupid), maybe wait awhile to Youtube it. I know all your friends want to see, but that's what email is for. Unless you want to get your friends in trouble, in which case, carry on (but watch your backs).

Police were dispatched on a call of a suspicious person at 2:46 p.m. April 16. A caller said two people were panhandling between Arby's and US Bank on Silvernail Road and had a sign that read "Hungry, Hungry, Hippies."

Suspicious? More like awesome.

Two 13-year-old Milwaukee boys were arrested after they got into a fistfight at Whitman Middle School, 11100 W. Center St., at 9:58 a.m. April 25. The two were fighting about a kickball game earlier that day.  

Kickball is serious business. I assume that this started because someone wanted a pitcher, not a belly-itcher.

An Amish buggy, value not listed, was reported taken from a yard in the 8700 block of North 64th Street at 5:45 p.m. April 20. No other information was available.

Stealing from the Amish? I'm pretty sure that's a paddlin'.

A woman, age and residence not released, was arrested for drunken driving, no proof of insurance and lane deviation after she crossed the centerline in the 5000 block of North Lake Drive and stopped on East Circle Drive at 1:10 a.m. April 24. When asked for her driver's license, she handed the officer the window sticker showing the price of the car. When asked again, she searched the glove box and handed over a copy of the same information saying "I think that is what you need." She at first said she had one glass of wine about 7 hours earlier. When told she still smelled of alcohol, she admitted having three wines after dinner and a beer. Her BAC was 0.18.

"The price is wrong, bitch!"

A 43-year-old man reported his neighbor, a 52-year-old man, called him a derogatory name and "flipped him the bird" in the 9100 block of West Elm Court about 10:30 a.m. April 27. The neighbor admitted to "flipping him the bird" after the 43-year-old began "staring him down." Police advised both men to avoid contact with each other.

Isn't "flipping the bird" the most natural response when someone is "staring you down"?

A resident reported finding what appeared to be an "established drug site" near Highland and Fieldwood roads at 4:40 p.m. April 21. Police found what appeared to be a former campsite surrounded by bicycle tracks. Also found was a homemade bong.

Bicycles, people. They had BICYCLES!! THE HORROR!!!

So that's it for this week, kids. If you're having a bad week, just remember that you aren't one of these people. (Unless you are one of these people, in which case, sorry about that. But c'mon. It's kind of funny, right? Right??)