Crime Time

For the past few months, I've been checking the local police reports to see what kind of shit goes down in the Milwaukee area. Most of it's pretty standard: theft (apparently women in their later 20s to early 40s really like to shoplift), drunk driving, vandalism, etc. But some of them are too good, bad, or weird to keep to myself.

So allow me to present the first ever Crime Time post. I check these weekly, so expect more goodies to come.

The following are from official police reports in the greater Milwaukee area.

A caller reported a suspicious male was "lingering" around the park in the 10700 block of West Cold Spring Road at about 8:25 p.m. April 25. The caller told police the man, described as a white male about 40 to 50 years old with dark hair, went in the Porta Potty near the back end of the park and when he exited the he had changed from his work clothes into a white dress. The caller further stated that when the man noticed he was being watched by the caller and her family, he "high-tailed it out of there" and was last seen driving eastbound on West Cold Spring Road. Police checked the area but were unable to locate a man wearing a white dress.

You'd think a man in a white dress would stand out. Also, he might've been "lingering" but was he really all that threatening? Maybe he can't be himself at home (sad) and needed a place to change. Or maybe he's a superhero! I mean, phone booths aren't all that prevalent anymore...

A 17-year-old Mequon youth and 16-year-old youth, residence not listed, were cited for disorderly conduct after a caller said there were kids fighting in a parking lot in the 100 block of North Orchard Street at 3:20 p.m. April 14. It appeared other youths were filming the fight, and when officers arrived, the group left the area. Police later identified the fight participants from a YouTube video that was posted online.  

Seriously? Kids, here's a tip. If you're going to be stupid (like, illegal or getting the police involved kind of stupid), maybe wait awhile to Youtube it. I know all your friends want to see, but that's what email is for. Unless you want to get your friends in trouble, in which case, carry on (but watch your backs).

Police were dispatched on a call of a suspicious person at 2:46 p.m. April 16. A caller said two people were panhandling between Arby's and US Bank on Silvernail Road and had a sign that read "Hungry, Hungry, Hippies."

Suspicious? More like awesome.

Two 13-year-old Milwaukee boys were arrested after they got into a fistfight at Whitman Middle School, 11100 W. Center St., at 9:58 a.m. April 25. The two were fighting about a kickball game earlier that day.  

Kickball is serious business. I assume that this started because someone wanted a pitcher, not a belly-itcher.

An Amish buggy, value not listed, was reported taken from a yard in the 8700 block of North 64th Street at 5:45 p.m. April 20. No other information was available.

Stealing from the Amish? I'm pretty sure that's a paddlin'.

A woman, age and residence not released, was arrested for drunken driving, no proof of insurance and lane deviation after she crossed the centerline in the 5000 block of North Lake Drive and stopped on East Circle Drive at 1:10 a.m. April 24. When asked for her driver's license, she handed the officer the window sticker showing the price of the car. When asked again, she searched the glove box and handed over a copy of the same information saying "I think that is what you need." She at first said she had one glass of wine about 7 hours earlier. When told she still smelled of alcohol, she admitted having three wines after dinner and a beer. Her BAC was 0.18.

"The price is wrong, bitch!"

A 43-year-old man reported his neighbor, a 52-year-old man, called him a derogatory name and "flipped him the bird" in the 9100 block of West Elm Court about 10:30 a.m. April 27. The neighbor admitted to "flipping him the bird" after the 43-year-old began "staring him down." Police advised both men to avoid contact with each other.

Isn't "flipping the bird" the most natural response when someone is "staring you down"?

A resident reported finding what appeared to be an "established drug site" near Highland and Fieldwood roads at 4:40 p.m. April 21. Police found what appeared to be a former campsite surrounded by bicycle tracks. Also found was a homemade bong.

Bicycles, people. They had BICYCLES!! THE HORROR!!!


So that's it for this week, kids. If you're having a bad week, just remember that you aren't one of these people. (Unless you are one of these people, in which case, sorry about that. But c'mon. It's kind of funny, right? Right??)