I'm So Vain, I Probably Think This Blog Is About Me

I'm 28 and I'm going gray.

For the past few years, I'd occasionally notice a white hair (which, when you have dark brown hair, sticks out like a heathen on Good Friday - why yes, I'll take the biggest, juiciest steak you have! Fish? God, no. I don't want fish...). I'd pull it and be done with it. No harm, no foul. But lately, there are more. And more. And more! I can't keep up.

And truth be told, the problem isn't truly vanity. No, the problem is my OCD. When I catch a glimpse of a white hair, I have to hunt it down. It becomes my sole mission to find that hair and yank it out. But I can't stop there. White hairs are like deer and cop cars; where there's one, there are more. So then I go searching for others to pull. If I didn't have something else to do, or didn't consciously tell myself to walk away, I'd stand in front of the bathroom mirror until every damn one of them was gone. If I wasn't on my pills, I wouldn't be able to control myself at all.

Hubby hates that I do it (probably because I chastise him for similar things), and I know it's unhealthy, but they keep coming. The only option I can really see to prevent it from happening is to start dying my hair. When I was a teen, you couldn't stop me from dying my hair. Black, red, pink, orange, blonde... my poor hair must have had an identity crisis. These days... I really, really don't want to. I actually like the color of my hair (minus the little white bastards), and I hate the idea of being resigned to dying my hair for the rest of my life. (As I told Hubby, "I'm too young to dye!")

I am trying to work on letting it go. Just because I can see it there, doesn't mean it has to come out, right? Deep breaths. Re-focus on something healthy. Move along. Easier said than done. Keep trying.

If anyone out there has any techniques or ideas to offer, I'm all ears. Otherwise, I'll just keep fighting the good fight. For now.

Happy Happy, Joy Joy!

Nov. 13 - Yesterday I was thankful for...

Disney!!

That may sound silly to you, but I am thankful for all things Disney. Growing up, I was always begging for the latest Disney video (I actually screamed when I got Beauty & The Beast from my Mam-maw for Christmas). I never missed a Disney movie in the theatre. In fact, I saw Aladdin in the theatre 3 times on its first go. I've seen Nightmare and Nemo twice each; once the first time around and once in 3D later in life. My room as a baby through age 3 or 4 was Winnie the Pooh themed. I've been to Disney World 5 times and already have WAY in advance plans for a 6th trip (our 5th anniversary in 2015) and a first trip to Disneyland with my bestie after that.

In college, I was known for my love of Disney. My roommate bought me Finding Nemo the very day it was released on video, and friends would bring me little toys from McD's or from cereal boxes if they were Disney related. I watch the Disney Channel (no, I don't care that I'm 28) and have an entire piano book full of Disney songs. I'm working on a Disney wall for our bedroom and looking around the living room, I can see at least two Perrys (from Phineas & Ferb), a Fantasia hippo, Mickey & Minnie ears, Disney Trivial Pursuit, and more.

Now, my love of Disney pales in comparison to my bestie. (Thankfully, this isn't a contest; I would lose.) But compared to most people I know, I'm a bit of a fanatic. Everything I've listed above makes me so genuinely happy! I know there are a lot of people who dislike Disney (or downright hate it), and there are people who think it's just for kids. They're entitled to believe that, but they are TOTALLY missing out on something that brings so much joy to so many people. I can always count on something Disney to lift my spirits, and for that, I'm thankful.

Nov. 14 - Today I am thankful for...

Antidepressants.

If you've read my blog before, you know I've struggled with anxiety, depression and some tendencies of OCD. It's not a super fun topic, but these things are very, very real and very, very serious. It's a little different for everyone, I suppose, but I would imagine most people would agree that living with a mental disorder can be hard and lonely.

Thankfully for me, my medications make life much nicer and more manageable. I'm personally on fluoxetine (Prozac) and bupropion (Wellbutrin), and these two little drugs have made a world of difference in my life. I will probably always need them, and that's OK. I'd rather my quality of life be better than be too proud to be "dependent" on pills.

Am I 100% with the pills? Of course not. I still have my days and my quirks (like not being able to make phone calls without feeling like I'm going to vomit the whole time), but when compared to life without the pills, things are a million times better. And for that, I'm thankful.

Sweets & Treats

Halloween: It's all about the candy.

OK, not entirely true. It's about dressing up, having fun, carving pumpkins, getting scared (in a fun way), hanging out with friends, and (in the Midwest anyway) having one last hurrah before winter comes in and puts the kibosh on fall fun.

But the treats are where it's really at.

If you were big into trick-or-treating like yours truly, you usually had some kind of game plan. You knew which houses to avoid (like the dentist who always gave out those plastic vampire teeth and - not even kidding - toothbrushes) and which to hit early in the night (the awesome couple who gave out full or king size candy bars every year). To ensure maximum candy collection, you might have decided ahead of time who would ring the doorbell at each house or might have gotten the largest pillowcase you could find in hopes of filling it to the top (a goal that I sadly never reached). No matter what, the highlight of Halloween was checking out the loot at the end of the night.

Being a particularly quirky kid, I didn't settle for pouring out my candy and eating it right then and there. No, I had other plans. I would pour out the candy, grab a pen and paper, and tally up all the goods. I'd make piles of each brand and mark them down as I went. By the end, I knew exactly how many Reeses cups or Twizzlers I had and knew the overall candy count from the night's haul. 

Why? Two reasons. First is that I'm just OCD. I love making lists and taking inventory. Seriously. Second reason was for trading purposes. If someone had something I wanted, I knew how many of which candies I had to barter with. Say someone had a delicious 100 Grand bar. I could check my list and see that I had plenty of Kit-Kats to spare (which, while tasty, are not among my favorites). Likewise, if someone wanted my Nestle Crunch and I only had 2, I knew that trading wasn't an option (love me some Crunch!).

My parents never had to worry about me eating candy while out and about that night because it would have thrown off my overall count, and I couldn't have that. (How did my parents not realize I was OCD??) So whenever those stories came out about kids eating candy that had needles in them, my parents got to relax, knowing they would be able to check my stash before any of it was consumed.

That having been said, today I will share with you my top 5 tips for successful trick-or-treating. You might be "too old" to go for yourself, but you can pass these along to any kids or teens who may want the inside scoop from a seasoned veteran.

1) Start early, stay late. This comes with a few caveats. Don't start before it's dark; that's when the little guys and gals get their turns. Likewise, if you know a family has little ones, they might not be home when you first start, so plan accordingly. And don't go too late. Remember the golden rule of trick-or-treating: If the lights are on, you're good to go; if the lights are gone, the answer's no. My best advice is to head out just after it gets dark (use whatever gauge you want; I like to use the street lights as my guide) and go no later than 9. Most houses will be done closer to 8, but any that are still going after that are likely to give you more candy since the night is winding down.

2) Keep your group smaller. I know, you have a huge group of friends and you all want to go together. That's fine, but it may slow you down. Slow = less candy. If you have a big group, consider breaking into two smaller groups as you go down the street. One group can start on one side and the other on the opposite side. When you're at the end, switch and meet back up at the other end. You don't have to keep the same groups every street, and you can typically move faster when there are fewer people to get through the process at each house.

3) Be polite. It doesn't sound like much, but think about it. If there's a group of younger kids heading to the same house as you, and you rush up to beat them, do you really think you're going to get more candy? No way. Let the little ones go first. They usually don't take much candy (so they're probably not going to run out before they get to you) AND the treat-givers are more likely to be generous if they see that you let the others go first. This is especially important the older (or taller) you are. Some people are weird about older kids on Halloween, so being nice and polite will give you the best odds at candy collection. Oh, and remember to thank people for candy. They don't have to give it to you.

4) Be enthusiastic! Seriously. If you show up at my door and mumble, "Trick or treat" or just stand there and look at me while holding your bag out or grabbing at the bowl in my hands, I'm not going to be inclined to shower you with candy. Same if you show up with little to no costume on (a scary mask while you're wearing a sweatshirt and jeans is not a costume). Put some effort into the night; it's a holiday for crying out loud! It's almost as much for the candy givers as the candy takers. I didn't realize that until I was an adult, but it's true. I love to see the creativity that comes along on Halloween, and I get a kick out of kids who are beyond thrilled to be at my door just for a few pieces of chocolate. 

5) Strategy. In most cases time is money; on Halloween, time is candy. Like I said earlier, knowing who is going to ring the bell BEFORE you get to the door helps you be more efficient. I'm not saying you should have a set schedule, but sharing the responsibility makes it more fun (who doesn't love to ring a doorbell?) and saves time in the long run. And knowing which houses you can skip will also save you some time (and some disappointment). Also, I suggest taking a bag/container with handles. Pillowcases are fun and I admire the goal of filling them, but they aren't that easy to carry around, especially as the night goes on. Handles give you a better grip, and a smaller bag will make it seem like you got more candy. Use some common sense; if a house is swamped when you get to it, head across the street instead. By the time you're done there, the crowd will probably have subsided.

So, there you have it. Do I miss trick-or-treating? You're damn right I do. But I'm all for helping kids get more out of their Halloween experience. :)

Unlucky 13? Nah.

I have never really gotten into the superstition of Friday the 13th.  Oh, sure, I tried to act like it was some magical day where black cats and bad luck rule all, but I never actually cared.  

Today, in fact, is my mom's birthday!  She was born on a Friday the 13th, so it's hard for me to think it's a bad day.  Strangely enough, my dad was also born on a Friday, so it happens than whatever day of the week Mom's birthday falls on, Dad's will, too (though, not until September).

Similarly, I grew up with a friend who was born on Mother's Day.  In case I haven't mentioned it here, I was born on Father's Day.  This year, since my birthday falls on Father's Day, I know that my friend's birthday will fall on Mother's Day.  Just one of those fun bits of trivia that no one cares about (except me, of course).  

Anywhoozles, I'm sure some of you are superstitious about this day, even if I'm not.  I'm not saying I'm never superstitious.  I am.  It's just certain things I'm superstitious about and I've gotten less superstitious as time has gone by; or maybe my medication works better and I'm just less obsessive...  I don't really see anything wrong about having superstitions as long as they don't interfere with your day to day life.  

There is a fine line between being superstitious and having OCD.  Superstitious is not wanting to step on cracks in the sidewalk and cringing when you do.  You later attribute some bit of "bad luck" to having stepped on said crack, but life goes on.  OCD is feeling like stepping on a crack might mean the end of the world as you know it, and if you should happen to step on one, you may feel the need to start from the beginning or even to go home and crawl back into bed because today clearly is just not happening.

Growing up, I thought some of my quirks were just superstitions.  And some of them probably were.  But some of them were definitely bordering on obsession, and even though they didn't necessarily interfere with daily activities, they sometimes came close.  Or, at minimum, they made me think I was pretty effing weird.

Whenever we drove somewhere, I would stare out the window from the back seat.  Any time there was a driveway or a cross street, I had to keep my teeth apart.  So, picture me riding along in a residential neighborhood.  It probably looked like I was chewing gum, since I was opening my jaw (but not my mouth) for each "interruption" in the road we were on.  Not life-changing, but odd.

For the longest time, I wouldn't set my alarm clock for anything that ended in a 0 or 5.  I woke up at strange times like 7:12 or 6:48.  I did the same thing on the microwave.  If something called for 30 seconds, I put the timer on for 29 or 31 seconds.  

There were others, but those are the two that stick out most in my mind.  I used to do the typical little kid superstitious things (holding my breath past a cemetery, for example), but beyond that, none of my superstitions were as... common.  A touch of OCD will do that, though.

I hope you all have a lovely Friday the 13th today!  I'm done working in about an hour and will be spending most of my day doing homework, but here's hoping y'all have better plans than I do!  And remember, superstition ain't the way.  ;-) 

EDIT: So, it turns out my mom wasn't actually born on Friday the 13th, she just happens to have a lot of birthdays on Fridays.  Oh well.  Still not an unlucky number for me!