Moronic Monday - Valentine's Day Edition

Fair warning: This post will offend some people.  If you don't like it, don't read it.  Or read it, and then post an angry comment.  Or start your own blog to complain about my blog.  I don't care.  The point is, these are MY feelings.  Word.

So, there are a few things about Valentine's Day that really bug the shit out of me.  Don't get me wrong - I actually like Valentine's Day.  It's not my favorite holiday, but I think it's a fun way to show people you care about them.  But some people or things really rub me the wrong way on February 14th every year.

1) Engagements.  Okay, I get it.  It's a romantic holiday and you want to embrace that with some huge romantic gesture.  But really?  Be more original, FCOL!  Unless it just so happens that you met/started dating on a Valentine's Day or something incredibly meaningful happened on Feb 14th at some point in your past together, there's NOTHING romantic about a V-Day proposal.  Tons and tons of other couples are doing the same exact thing.  And even if it comes from your heart and you're truly in love, it just seems too easy.  Make some other random day special, and then you can really look back on that together.

2) "Every day is Valentine's Day with my sweetie!" Yes, we know, you're madly in love and every day is wonderful, but seriously?  Get over it.  I love my husband dearly, and he is wonderful to me, but that does NOT make every day Valentine's Day.  Do I look forward to each day with him?  Sure!  But there's something nice about a day to do something different or special just because.  Also, you sound really cheesy saying something like this and it's bound to make people cranky with you.  Just saying.

2b) An alternate to this one is something like, "I don't need a holiday to show how much I love (fill-in-the-blank)!"  Often this is along the same lines, but also tends to scream, "My significant other didn't get me anything, so I'm going to make it seem like I really don't care by playing it cool!"  You care.  You SO care.

3) "Valentine's Day sucks."  Way to sound like a joyless person who wants everyone else to be miserable with you.  It doesn't actually make you cool to dislike a holiday.  And all your friends will likely just think you're a sad, lonely individual who couldn't get a date for Valentine's Day OR that you've become so jaded that nothing they can say or do will ever make you feel better.  Neither sounds particularly like someone I want to hang out with.  But that's me.  

I guess I shouldn't say that these people are all morons.  They probably aren't.  Many of them are just hopeless romantics or have been scorned too much to appreciate the day.  But some of them are just idiots.  Proposing on V-Day because you can't come up with anything better?  Trying to make yourself feel better by writing off an otherwise sweet notion of a holiday?  Bah humbug much? 

How about you just go buy a box of chocolates, find a good movie, and enjoy the day.  No matter who you are, chances are you love SOMEONE, so celebrate that, whether it's your best friend, your pet, your family...  It doesn't matter!  Celebrate love.  It makes the world go 'round. :-)

Impending Snow of DOOM!

I missed Moronic Monday yesterday.  I know.  Sorry, yo.  I sort of had something, but it was WAY too serious for my usual MM posts, so I nixed it and just didn't get back to it in time.

Anywhoozles, in comes the blizzard that may bury us all.  Well, maybe not.  But if they're anywhere close to right, we'll be getting what I refer to as a metric shit-ton of snow over the next few days.  Such is life in Wisco, but that doesn't mean I have to be pleased about it.

While I don't personally have to go out in the snow (one of the perks of working from home), hubby does, and I worry about him being out there with all the morons who forget how to drive each time it snows.  Things like this tend to happen...  Not good.

Here's hoping everyone stays safe and warm for the next few days!

Frustrated!!!

WARNING: This is long.  I apologize.  I need to rant.

Ok, so, since getting married in September, I have successfully changed my name on my social security card, my bank accounts, my debit and credit cards, my paychecks, my student loans, and at Penn State, ALL without having to go anywhere.  The only time I had to go anywhere to make the change was my driver's license, and that's understandable (I had to get a new mug shot, ya know). 

So why is it that Chase seems to think I need to come into a local office to get my name updated on my mortgage?  That wasn't what they said in November.  Wasn't what they said in December.  But now they seem to think I have to go to the nearest branch (which, of course, I've never been to because they're NOT MY BANK - MY bank was able to handle it all online).

Sure, they were HAPPY to give me a new credit card with my married name without any documentation.  But changing my last name on the mortgage (to MATCH the last name of my husband, who is also on the mortgage, I might add) is apparently too hard for people to handle.

Mostly for documentation purposes, I'd like to post here the emails I've had back and forth with Chase (with some details removed) via THEIR secure message center. 

11/12/10 I sent:

Good afternoon,

I was just married in September of this year and have since changed my last name to my spouse's.

How do I update my name on my accounts and get a new credit card with my married name Erika (Married Name)?

Thank you,
Erika (Maiden Name) (Married Name)

I got a response that same day:

Dear Erika (Married Name),

Congratulations on your recent marriage. Wishing you a
successful life ahead.

I am pleased to inform that I have changed the name on
your account ending in **** as requested. A replacement
card with your new name reflected on it should arrive at
the address listed on your account by 11/19/2010.

Additionally, I have forwarded your inquiry regarding
mortgage account to our Home Mortgage department. You
should receive a response from them within two business
days.

If you need immediate assistance... [boring content removed]

It was a pleasure assisting you today. Have a great day!

If you have any further questions, please reply using the
Secure Message Center.

Thank you,

V*** M***
E-mail Customer Service Representative 

Well that was easy!  And helpful!  Huzzah!!  Just have to wait to hear about the mortgage...

On 11/15/10, I got this response:

Dear Erika:

I am writing in response to your Internet inquiry to Chase
about your home mortgage loan.

I have attached a name change request form. Please fill
it out and send it back to Chase together with the
required documents.

Chase's goal is to provide the highest level of quality
service. If you have questions about your mortgage,
please contact Customer Care at 1-800-848-9136.

We appreciate your business and value our relationship
with you.

Thank you,

L*** T***
Vice President
Customer Care


Fair enough.  On 12/6/10, I sent the requested documentation along with this message:

Good evening! Per the message I received on 11/15/10, I am submitting the requested documentation to update my name on this account from Erika (Maiden Name) to Erika (Married Name).

Please let me know if anything further is needed to make the requested change.

Thank you!
Erika (Married Name)

I got no response.  Waited a month.  Still nothing, so on 1/4/11, I sent this:

Good afternoon!

On 12/6/10, I had submitted documentation as requested via the Secure Message Centre to have my name changed from Erika (Maiden Name) to my married name of Erika (Married Name). To date, it seems this change has not gone through, so I was wondering if there was anything else I needed to do to help implement this change.

Thank you for your assistance!
Erika (Married Name)

I got a response on 1/5/11:

Dear Erika:

I am writing in response to your Internet inquiry to Chase
about your home mortgage loan.

We did not receive the e-mail you previously sent.

I have attached a copy of the name change request form.
Please fill it out and send it back to Chase together with
the required documents.

Chase's goal is to provide the highest level of quality
service. If you have questions about your mortgage,
please contact Customer Care at 1-800-848-9136.

We appreciate your business and value our relationship
with you.

Thank you,

L*** T***
Vice President
Customer Care

Ok...  Annoying much?  Whatever.  I attached the SAME documents and sent a reply:

Ok, I will send the same attachments I sent a month ago. Please let me know that they have been received, as the last attempt shows up in my Sent Messages so I have no way of confirming receipt.

Thanks,
Erika

No response.  Didn't want to wait a month, so I gave it a few weeks instead.  On 1/19/11, I re-sent the SAME documentation with this message:

Good morning,

I have submitted the attached documentation twice to have my name changed on my Chase account I was just married in September and it has not been completed yet.

Could someone please confirm that this is being worked on and/or when I can expect completion?

Thank you,
Erika (Married Name) formerly Erika (Maiden Name)

On 1/20/11, I got this response:

Dear Erika (Maiden Name),

Thank you for contacting Chase.

To process this request, you will need to visit your local
branch with one form of ID and supporting documents to
complete changes that are not minor name corrections.

We recommend that you contact the branch before visiting
to verify additional requirements. You can locate the
nearest branch and its number using your zip code via
Chase.com.

We value you as a Chase customer and appreciate your
business. We apologize for any inconvenience this may
cause you.

If you require further assistance... [More boring stuff removed]

Thank you,

M*** G***
Internet Service Center

Oh HELL no.  I was told I could do this shit online.  Twice.  I'm done with formalities at this point, so on 1/24/11 I sent this:

Why was this not explained to me when I first made the inquiry in November?

I have submitted documentation to get this change processed, per the instruction of 2 other Chase employees (via the Secure Message Center) after 2 separate inquiries. I was told this could be handled online (in fact, I was told it was already changed for the credit card account, just not the mortgage account)...

I was able to make these changes will my primary bank and many other services via fax or internet request and would MUCH prefer to do so in this case as well. If there is any way to do this online, as I was previously told, please let me know.

Respectfully,
Erika (Married Name)

Now, note that I was actually told twice by the same employee (didn't notice that until after I sent it), but the person who told me I could do this online is the VICE PRESIDENT of customer service.  I would have to imagine he knows what's what.

But the response I got today (1/25/11) says differently:

Dear Erika (Maiden Name),

Thank you for contacting the Internet Service Center.
Congratulations on your marriage!

In response to your inquiry, for assistance in changing
your name on your account, please visit a Chase branch
convenient to you. You will need to bring with you legal
proof of name change and two forms of valid
identification; one being a photo ID

I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

Chase strives to provide excellent service to all of our
customers. It has been our pleasure to be of service to
you. Please be assured that we value you as a customer and
wish for your experience with Chase to be one of
satisfaction and ease.

If you have any questions or require further assistance,
please e-mail us via the Secure Message Center or contact
our Internet Service Center at 1-877-242-7372.

Thank you,

L*** M***
Internet Service Center

At this point, I'm beyond frustrated.  It doesn't seem like a big deal, but let me point out a few things:

1) I've never had to go to the local Chase branch for ANYTHING.  They just happen to have bought our mortgage about a year ago...  

2) I was told TWICE that all I had to do what submit the necessary documentation, which (as you can see), I actually sent THREE times.  

3) I've been trying to get this changed since November!  What the fuck have they been doing?!

4) How did they not get my email if I'm sending it using THEIR message feature?  Sounds like THEIR problem; not mine.

5) Why was it so easy for me to get a new credit card from them?  Why didn't they need anything for that?  But in order to keep taking my money on my mortgage, they not only expect documentation, but think I should come to THEM to provide it?!

6) Best yet, they didn't address ANY of my dissatisfaction or provide any feedback as to why I was told something different in the past.  The last response is almost identical to the response they sent before that.  UGH!!!

7)They keep addressing me by my maiden name when I clearly keep signing things with my married name.  That's just annoying.

Ok, I apologize again for this rant, but I've just HAD it with Chase.  We're now considering refinancing so we can move away from them and their terrible service.  Good riddance, I say. 

Moronic Monday - StupidBearsfansayswhat?

In the spirit of this past weekend, today's Moronic Monday comes from Bears territory.  (This happened before yesterday's game, so they were still delusional at the time.)

A bit of background on this little gem:  Many Packers fans were "upset" with Brett Favre over his retirement charade ("I'm retired!  No I'm not!  Yes I am!  Gimme my job!") and especially unhappy with his decision to join the enemy (The Vikings).  Check out my "Brett Who?" post for some more info.

Anyway, as a result, a fantastic shirt was made.  The shirt, seen here, now has a bit of a cult following.  The idea of the shirt - We'll Never Forget You Brent - is that we have, of course, already forgotten him.  We know his name isn't Brent.  That's the joke.

And while most people who encounter this shirt realize its true genius, the Bear blogger of this idiot post clearly did NOT understand the concept.  "Wow.  They don’t even know Favre’s first name," he notes.  "...How can you forget someone when you don’t even know their name?"

Many, MANY comments were made with essentially the same message: It's sarcasm; you're an idiot.

Even a (presumably) fellow Bears fan points this out: As much as I’d like to make fun of the company who made this shirt, “Brent” isn’t a typo. They’re poking fun at Brett by saying, “We’ll never forget you”, yet we’re already forgetting how to spell your name...

Just goes to show that not only do the Bears still suck, so do their fans.*

Oh yeah, and for the record...  SUPER BOWL, BABY!!!  HELLS YEAH!!!  :-)

*With a few exceptions, of course.  <3

Moronic Monday - If I Could Walk That Way...

"I wouldn't need the talcum powder."

Though, in this gentleman's case, I think he'll need more than talcum powder.  Ice.  Maybe some ibuprofen.  Probably some alcohol to ease the pain and embarrassment.

If you're going to be acting dumb, I suggest you don't do it near exercise machines, especially if they're on.  However, if you decide to do it anyway, make sure someone has a camera so the rest of us can relive it and feel better about ourselves.

It just never gets old.

Moronic Monday - I'll Take "I'm An Idiot" For $400, Alex

You know, sometimes all you need to do to feel smarter is turn on the TV*.  There are stupid people all over the damn place!  

For example, check out some of the awesomely stupid answers people have given on game shows over the years.  Yes, stress and anxiety have a lot to do with it, I'm sure, but really?  Let's be honest.  Some of these people are just plain dumb.

On the plus side, you can feel much better about knowing how many legs a cow has when Johnny Not-So-Smart calls out "six!"  

*Note that watching too much TV will likely have adverse affects and your brain may turn to gravy.  Hasn't happened yet, but, someday...

Moronic Monday - Ouch

We all know that accidents happen.  It's part of life!  Sometimes there's a viable excuse ("I didn't want to hit the cute squirrel/bunny/dog/giraffe!  I had to swerve!"), but sometimes, it's just better to keep your mouth shut, lest you come up with something like this. 

P.S.  I think my personal favorite is, "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment."  Priceless.

Recipient Not Home

So, as I believe I've mentioned before, I work from home.  This means, of course, that I'm home the VAST majority of the time.  I'm up around 7:30 AM and I'm here working until about 4:30 PM.  I don't go out for lunch (I only get 30 minutes, so I'd spend at least half of that in the car if I let), I don't travel for my job, and my "office" area is next to the front door.

And yet, two days this week, a particular delivery service has left notes on their site indicating that I, the recipient, was not home at the time of their attempted deliveries.  

I call shenanigans.

Here's what I sent them through their "Contact Us" feature (with some info removed for privacy/security reasons):

I'm currently waiting on the following shipments: AAAA, BBBB, and CCCC.

The first two shipments show an attempted delivery on Monday morning (11/29).  I was home all day and did not hear the doorbell or a knock at the door, so I'm not sure how I missed this delivery attempt.

On 11/30, I was contacted twice to tell me that my shipments had been delayed and would arrive the following day (Wed, 12/1). 

On 12/1, I checked the site, which indicated that the packages were out for delivery at 9:59 AM.  Again, I was home all day and continued to check for updates.  This morning when I checked, the site indicated that an attempted delivery was made at either 7:10 AM or 9:10 AM (depending on which tracking number I look up) yesterday morning.  Since the site didn't indicate they were out for delivery until almost 10 AM, I'm not sure how that works.

I can shrug off the first "attempted delivery" as it could be possible that I somehow missed it (though, I'm not sure how my dog would have missed someone knocking or ringing the doorbell - she's pretty sensitive to those sounds).  But I know I was home all day yesterday, waiting for my packages.

I don't know if the data is being entered incorrectly, if delivery attempts really are being made, or what is going on.  If possible, I would like an email explanation of what the issue may be and when I can expect my shipments to arrive (your site says they are "out for delivery" again this morning, but I just don't know that I can trust that information). 

Thank for your time and assistance.

So, as you can see, something is not quite right.  My personal belief is that they didn't attempt any sort of delivery at all.  Rather, I think the "delay" is the real issue (for what reason, I couldn't even begin to speculate), and they're just trying to cover their asses.  I'm sure this works for 75-90% of the time, since many people are NOT home during business hours.  But for the few of us home all day?  Not so much.

This wouldn't bother me so much if it weren't for the fact that I have an Amazon Prime account and get free 2-day shipping.  What if I had been counting on that 2 day shipping time?  Even though they aren't time-sensitive, it still irks the hell out of me because I've been promised that delivery time.  I was looking forward to getting the first two packages on Monday and the last on Tuesday or even Wednesday.  Now it's Thursday morning and I haven't seen hide nor hair of them.  Not cool.

I'll try to keep you all updated as to when the packages arrive, what kind of response I get, etc.  In the meantime, remember to smile.  It could always be worse.

Moronic Monday - Warning!

Yes, I know, I missed Moronic Monday again.  Sue me.  

Or, just enjoy this Tuesday edition, chock full of warning signs made for the terminally stupid.  If you find yourself reading them and going, "Uh, duh?" or "Who the hell would do that?!" just remember...  Someone did it.  That's why the warning is there.

Hope you're feeling smarter already! :-)

Moronic Monday - Tuesday Style

Sorry for missing Moronic Monday, kids.  I was a bit off my game yesterday after my doc appointment and so much driving to get home to work for the afternoon... I just spaced on my normal routine all around!

So, without further ado, I give you Moronic Monday - Tuesday Style!

Now, I know not everyone is computer savvy, or even computer literate, but dammit, these are just funny.  

If you do know anything about computers, chances are at least one or two of these will make you feel a bit smarter today.  If not... Well, hopefully you can relax enough to laugh at yourself (or at least people like you).  :-) 

Moronic Monday - And The Award Goes To...

What better on a Moronic Monday than a Darwin Award nominee?   If that doesn't make you feel smart, nothing will.

For those not in the know, Wikipedia says, "The [Darwin] Awards honor people who ensure the long-term survival of the human race by removing themselves from the gene pool in a sublimely idiotic fashion."

In essence, the dumber you are, the greater your contribution is.  So keep on keepin' on, idiots of the world!

Moronic Monday - You Don't Need To Be Smart To Travel

Seriously, check out some of these awesome questions people asked their travel agents.

My personal favorite is the very last one, but then again, I'm partial to hippos and anything even slightly related to them.  Like this, for instance.  Excellent.  ^_^

One Post - Two Thoughts

So, this really probably should be two separate posts, but, that's just not going to happen, so bear with me.

Thought # 1 - Take your ass-grabbing elsewhere!

Hubby and I went to a concert last night (3OH!3, for anyone interested).  While there, I noticed several things that made me feel...  well, old.  

Many of the kids there were dressed in the most bizarre ways.  

• Mini dresses seemed to be a trend.  I saw several of these.  Not surprising, I guess, but it wasn't exactly mini-dress weather.  It was about 30 degrees last night.  And there was a breeze.  
• Also prevalent were shirts that were purposely cut/torn across the front, seemingly to draw attention to the girl's bra (which was clearly visible, if not sticking out of the cuts in said shirt) and stomach.  I saw a few of these, and most of them looked pretty awful.
• Flannel.  What the f*ck is with the flannel?
• Douchebags with baseball caps were also pretty much everywhere.  It's to be expected, I guess, but jeez.

Seeing all of this made me realize that I have grown up.  I don't dress to "impress" at concerts anymore.  I dress to be comfortable - jeans and a t-shirt, usually a sweatshirt...  No makeup, don't do anything special to my hair...  Just... Me.  In fact, as I pointed out to the hubs, I was even wearing knee socks under my jeans to keep myself extra warm.  Call me a nerd or whatever, but I was comfy.

Then he asked the following question: "How many of the people in this crowd do you think own a house?"  

Well, crap.  I looked around, there were maybe one or two other couples who could've been homeowners.  And, of course, a few parents playing chaperon were probably in the same boat.  But mostly, these were high school and college kids.  Most of them likely didn't even have their own apartments, let alone a house.

Then 3OH!3 asked the crowd how many went to the UW...  Holy shit.  At least in the balcony (where we were), it had to have been a good 80-90% who responded in the positive.  No wonder so many people were drunk as hell!

And yet, I could have forgiven all of it, until I saw one of the couples in front of us.

The female was more than likely drunk, as she seemed pretty wobbly (not to mention they were both holding drinks).  The guy was one of the aforementioned douchebags wearing a baseball cap.  And a few minutes into the main event, his hand went to grab her ass and didn't leave her body until she decided to sit down.  It didn't stay on her ass the whole time (though, that seemed to be his favorite part of her body)...  Oh, no.  I saw some boob grabbing as well.  And, of course, they were having a battle of the tongues, right there in front of us.

My thought is this:  Why in the world would you pay $20-$30 each to come to a concert, get trashed, and grab on each other, when you could do it for cheaper at a bar, club or in your own place?  

Seriously.  Grossness of way too much PDA aside, it just seems ridiculous to me to pay that much just to cop a feel or two.  Mind you, the $20-$30 is just for the ticket - jaeger bombs were going for $6 a piece!  PBR was $4 each!  And neither of those are going to get you drunk with one purchase.  

Yes, I know, they could have started drinking elsewhere.  In fact, I'd guarantee they did.  But they each had at least one drink while there, so now that $20-$30 each becomes $25-$35 each.  We're talking over $50 just to come make out?  Here's an idea: GET A ROOM!  It would be about the same (or a little more) to get a cheap motel room - which you can keep for the whole night - as it would to go to a concert for a few hours (and not even remember what the band was like because you were drinking and sucking face the whole time).

Note: Before you go asking me why I was watching, I didn't have much of a choice.  From where we were sitting, they were directly in my line of view while trying to watch the show.  When hands and tongues are flying all over the place, it's pretty distracting.

Thought # 2 - Happy Anniversary, Maxine!

On a MUCH more positive note, one year ago today we adopted the best dog in the whole world.  Maxine has now been a part of our family for a year, and we couldn't be happier!  In fact, it feels like there was never a time BEFORE we had her.  :-)

So happy anniversary, Maxine McPupperkins!  We love you so much!!

 

Talk, Talk, Talk

This morning, my husband asked me why people feel the need to express themselves in front of a camera, even when they have nothing of value to say, or don't know what they're talking about.

"Because everyone wants to be heard," was my response.  

I think that's pretty accurate, right?  Yes, some of us talk just to hear our own voices.  And some of us talk to fill uncomfortable silence.  And some of us talk because we don't know what else to do.  But the point of communicating in the first place is to get your message to someone else; the point is to be heard.

For example, I am (for the most part) a pretty quiet person.  In groups, I tend to be the listener, the one who sits back and lets everyone else do the talking.  And yet, this is the latest of many blogs I've attempted along the way, so clearly I want to be heard by someone, even if I'm not actually speaking.  

When we feel our opinions and ideas are falling on deaf ears, we can tend to get riled up.  It's then that we grab our soapboxes and scream from the rooftops just to be heard.  Even if the only response we get is, "Shut it!" or "You're an idiot!" at least we know that someone heard us.  There's something comforting about getting a response, no matter how negative...  Almost like we need reassurance that we haven't become invisible, and that our words - our voices - aren't just in our own heads.

It's at that point that some people choose to go in front of a camera in order to be heard.  And whether or not they have anything of value to say isn't the point, but rather that they will reach an audience, who will inevitably have something to say about it, and receive that affirmation of existence.

On the other hand, some people are just idiots who like to talk.