So You're Going To A Concert...

I was recently asked what my concert "rules" would be.  After some thought, the following are some suggestions I have to help make everyone's concert-going experience a bit better.

• If you're going to show up late, make sure you do so appropriately.  At concert venues like The Rave in Milwaukee, it's not really a problem to show up late.  People often move around to visit the bars, check out merch and whatnot, so it's not much of a disturbance.  Just be aware that you may not get the best view of the stage.  If you're attending a concert with assigned seats or visiting a nicer/less informal venue, try to be a bit stealthier.  Or, at minimum, make sure your entrance doesn't sound like a herd of elephants running from a giant pack of rodents.
• Dress appropriately.  I remember getting dressed up (in some sense) for concerts when I was younger, so I get it.  But seriously?  Consider a few things when dressing for a concert:
• No matter what you wear, the likelihood that the artist is going to see you and fall madly in love with you is slim to none.  It's nice to dream, but reality has to kick in sometime, kids.
• You have to deal with whatever you choose to wear.  If it's 20 degrees outside and you're dressed up in a mini skirt and heels, I don't want to hear you complaining that it's cold.  (Of course it's cold!  Did you think you were going to be magically transported from your car into the venue?  Doubtful.)  Also, if you dress like a skank and get hit on all night, don't act surprised or grossed out.  You wanted the attention, you got it.  Basically, the moral is: You chose it, you live with it.  Period.
• Hats are OK if you plan to stay toward the back of the crowd, but otherwise, just leave it at home.  You might think it makes you look cool or fit in with the crowd, but odds are someone is going to secretly hate you because your hat is blocking their view.  This goes for big hair, also.  
• Being drunk is fine; being drunk and obnoxious is not.  I have no problem if you want to get a bit drunk and listen to some awesome music.  Have fun!  But once you reach the point of obnoxious, take my advice and stay by the bar.  If you start screaming, dry humping, bumping into people, etc, the likelihood that you're going home short a few teeth is going to increase.  Most of us paid to see the show.  If our experience is ruined because you just had to push your limits, we might just push back.  And if you're really so horny that you have to get it on RIGHT NOW, take it to your car.
• If you aren't interested in the show, shut the hell up.  Maybe you're bored because you don't know the opening act or because you're "forced" to be there as a chaperone for your teenie-boppers.  It happens, I get it.  But that does NOT mean that you should try to have a full-blown conversation above the music.  Here's a shocker: People around you might actually be interested in what's going on!  I'm not saying everyone should be silent, but shouting to one another about the mundane details of your life isn't going to endear you to anyone.
• As a side note to this, phone conversations at a concert aren't only rude, they're pointless.  The person on the other end of the convo probably can't understand what you're saying or hear you over the music/crowd/etc.  If your phone rings and you HAVE to answer, step into a stairway or something.  Shouting, "What?!  WHAT?!" into your phone is just as disruptive as shouting at the person next to you.
• Last, but not least: Be appreciative.  Don't take any concert for granted; you never know if you'll get the opportunity again!  Artists are busy, and they have a lot of places they'd like to (or have to) be, but right then and there, they are playing for you.  Soak it in!  If you can't appreciate the work that goes into shows, then you're better off watching DVD specials and youtube clips.

What are your concert-going rules?  Anything vital that I missed?  Let me know!

Talking To The Moon

Despite a frustrating day of work (my internet connection was spotty all morning and part of the afternoon), yesterday was a good day.  The hubs and I grabbed some dinner at Chipotle (where the best tortilla chips in the world come from) and then headed to The Rave to see Bruno Mars.  

Here are a few notes from last night's concert:

Janelle Monae

The opener for Bruno was Janelle Monae.  Janelle is a small, eccentric woman with a beautiful voice and a style lost on most of the Milwaukee audience.  Hubby and I agreed that the instruments mostly overpowered Janelle's vocals (and were effing LOUD).  While I could tell she was singing, and that she has a great voice, I couldn't make out her lyrics 90% of the time.  Also, a lot of her "singing" was mostly a-lyrical, as best I could tell.  It was meant to show off her voice, which is great and all, but hard for an audience to get into.  

One fun thing Janelle did was a fantastic cover of the Jackson 5's "I Want You Back."  Honest to God, she rocked the hell out of that song.  Not only was it a major crowd-pleaser, her voice was a PERFECT match for a young MJ.  She also did a cover of "Smile" as sung by Nat King Cole (or, as many people know it, the Charlie Chaplin song) that was...  different.  I appreciated her using such a beautiful song, but again, it seemed like the point was merely to showcase her voice, not to connect to the song itself. 

Janelle also did something I'd never seen before: she painted while she sang.  Yes.  Painted.  As in, created a painting.  Nothing spectacular, mind you, but it was an interesting experience.  It was almost like watching her in a non-performance setting.  You could picture her at home, painting and singing, lost in her own little world.  It was a nice break from reality.

Bruno Mars

Bruno made the whole concert worthwhile.  He is fantastic to watch live!  He engages the audience, and in watching him perform, you know you're watching someone who absolutely loves what he's doing.  It was breathtaking to say the least.

It was a mixture of emotions.  Bruno started things off (donning a Harley-Davidson t-shirt and a fedora) by getting the crowd rev'd up (which included a lot of hip thrusting, some of which was in "slow motion"), asked them to put down their cameras and dance along to songs like "Runaway Baby" and "Liquor Store Blues" (which, of course, few did because this is the age of digital media; capture whatever you can, whenever you can).  Along with his own songs, he also played the snippets of other songs he's known for, like the chorus of Travi's "Billionaire" and his part in B.o.B.'s "Nothing On You."

Later, he chose a girl from the front of the audience to sing the last bits of a song to.  She didn't get to go on stage or anything, but the camera was on her, and she was one happy gal!  He wooed the audience with "Our First Time" and wowed us with some amazing a capella harmonies with his backup singers (who were much more like "along-side singers" since they were by no means confined to the background).  

One of my favorite parts of the night had to be when he informed us that the gentleman on stage with him was the voice you hear on the radio and on the album saying, "Oh my God, that was great," during "The Lazy Song" (who may be the same guy in the video, come to think of it).  Bruno took such delight in our reaction to this news, that he kept cracking up a bit, and actually made the audience quiet down so they could re-play that part of the song as proof.  It was excellent.

He ended his set with "Just The Way You Are," which was definitely a favorite.  As people began to file out, I looked for the tell-tale signs of an encore (instruments left on stage, lights not fully turned on, etc).  Sure enough, he came out to do an encore of "Talking To The Moon," my favorite of his songs.  I was almost in tears!  It was a perfect ending to the night.  :)    

The Rave / Eagle's Ballroom

For the first time ever, I decided to spring for the "VIP Balcony" tickets.  My reasoning was that there were bound to be fewer people up there, and it wouldn't be quite as crowded.  While that was technically true, it just wasn't what I was hoping for.

It was ridiculously hard to get a good view of the stage.  Unless you get there uber early and snag some of the balcony seats (of which there are surprisingly few), you're going to be standing.  Since we got there around 7:15 (the show "started" at 7, but Janelle didn't go on until 7:30 or later), we were in maybe the 3rd "row" of standing, so to speak.  I picked a spot where I had a shot of the stage and figured it was good enough.  Until some woman decided she was going to stand right in front of me.  I couldn't even get a good view of the massive screens they had set up!

There was nothing "VIP" about the experience.  I felt they oversold the balcony, so it was almost as packed as the main floor (fewer people, but also less space to occupy); and I would've been able to see the stage better from the main floor.  Totally not worth spending the extra $10-$15 a ticket (or whatever it was).  

The worst part about the whole thing came about 2/3 through Bruno's set: the drunk sluts.  Now, you may think this is harsh, but allow me to paint a picture for you.  

Hubby and I are enjoying ourselves, loving Mr. Mars and all he has to offer, and suddenly there are these girls behind us in shiny shirts, short skirts, and drinks in their hands.  They're not steady on their feet, and are saying things like, "Grenade!  Do Grenade!" and "I don't feel good..."  (Thankfully, the one who said that went away shortly thereafter.)  Then while Bruno's singing "Count On Me," a great song about friendship and being there for people you love, they're saying over and over, "I don't know this song.  Do you?  I don't know it."  (Maybe if you bought his CD and didn't rely on the radio to tell you what to listen to, you'd know it, bitch.)  

"Grenade" finally comes on, and the girls go nuts.  Their screaming was louder than the entire concert itself.  I actually had to cup my ears to block them out and concentrate on Bruno.  I turn to look at my husband and one of the girls is now making out with a guy (who, dear God, I hope was with them).  Not just making out, though.  Hardcore making out.  He had her wrapped around his waist and I thought they might swallow each other or fall over (or both).  During the course of this, they kept bumping into Hubby, who hadn't turned around to see what was going on and was less than pleased when I told him later.  Needless to say, it was nasty.  I've said it once and I'll say it again: if you just want to get drunk and have sex, go to a g-d bar.  People pay good money to be at concerts for the music, not to see some amateur porn.

Anywhoozles, I've also determined that unless someone else extremely fabulous comes to The Rave, this was probably my last show there.  It's just not my scene anymore.  I prefer smaller shows; or at least shows with seats that I can default to or room to move away from loud, drunken bitches...

So that, my lovelies, is my account of last night's show.  Ta da! 

Hump Day - Phone Sex, Cyber Sex, Kinect Sex?

I have to imagine that there have been substitutes for physical sexual interaction for nearly as long as sex has been around.  As a species, we've written about sex, so you'd imagine we probably exchanged letters about it (snail mail sex?).  We have nude magazines and video pornography for our viewing pleasures.  We've used the phone to verbally get it on.  And of course there's cybersex (who needs the real thing when you can type it out?). 

But all of these options are becoming trite.  It's clearly time for something new!  Something fresh and exciting!

Enter Kinect Sex.  As the article says, we could be within reach of having sex via video game.  Essentially, the site indicates that the Kinect technology is sophisticated enough that it could be used to simulate sex via a dildo or even one's own body.  

Someday in the future, when we get that urge, we can hang up the phone and go AFK so we can connect with Kinect!

Or, you know, you could try real sex.  Just a thought.

On that note, don't forget that today is World AIDS Day.  Reflect on those in your life affected by, struggling with, or have been lost to AIDS and consider volunteering or donating to help the cause.  If only we could be as close to finding a cure as we are to Kinect Sex...

Hump Day - Doing The Robot

When someone suggests we "do the robot," I usually get prepared to head to the dance floor.  But more and more, it seems, people are heading to the bedroom.  That's right, I'm talking about sex robots.

According to the article, the demand for these robots is growing around the world.  Particularly in the UK.  I guess I'm not totally surprised that the US has carved out a niche in this market, but wouldn't you think Japan would've been the first choice for this?  Just saying. 

The most disturbing part of this to me isn't that people want sex robots that look like celebrities; that's a given (anyone else reminded of that episode of "Futurama" with the Lucy Liu bot?).  It's not that it can talk or fake an orgasm; any woman can do that.  It's not even that people think having a "relationship" with a robot is acceptable.

No, the most disturbing part to me is that these robots have human hair.  Whose hair is it?  Do they do a sex robot hair donation drive?  Do the manufacturers go to salons and ask for leftover hair?  

Also, why is it necessary?  Do some people actually wash or style the robot's hair as part of their fantasy?  Do you think most people would really care if the hair was synthetic?  I mean, really...  The whole idea just seems creepy.

One Post - Two Thoughts

So, this really probably should be two separate posts, but, that's just not going to happen, so bear with me.

Thought # 1 - Take your ass-grabbing elsewhere!

Hubby and I went to a concert last night (3OH!3, for anyone interested).  While there, I noticed several things that made me feel...  well, old.  

Many of the kids there were dressed in the most bizarre ways.  

• Mini dresses seemed to be a trend.  I saw several of these.  Not surprising, I guess, but it wasn't exactly mini-dress weather.  It was about 30 degrees last night.  And there was a breeze.  
• Also prevalent were shirts that were purposely cut/torn across the front, seemingly to draw attention to the girl's bra (which was clearly visible, if not sticking out of the cuts in said shirt) and stomach.  I saw a few of these, and most of them looked pretty awful.
• Flannel.  What the f*ck is with the flannel?
• Douchebags with baseball caps were also pretty much everywhere.  It's to be expected, I guess, but jeez.

Seeing all of this made me realize that I have grown up.  I don't dress to "impress" at concerts anymore.  I dress to be comfortable - jeans and a t-shirt, usually a sweatshirt...  No makeup, don't do anything special to my hair...  Just... Me.  In fact, as I pointed out to the hubs, I was even wearing knee socks under my jeans to keep myself extra warm.  Call me a nerd or whatever, but I was comfy.

Then he asked the following question: "How many of the people in this crowd do you think own a house?"  

Well, crap.  I looked around, there were maybe one or two other couples who could've been homeowners.  And, of course, a few parents playing chaperon were probably in the same boat.  But mostly, these were high school and college kids.  Most of them likely didn't even have their own apartments, let alone a house.

Then 3OH!3 asked the crowd how many went to the UW...  Holy shit.  At least in the balcony (where we were), it had to have been a good 80-90% who responded in the positive.  No wonder so many people were drunk as hell!

And yet, I could have forgiven all of it, until I saw one of the couples in front of us.

The female was more than likely drunk, as she seemed pretty wobbly (not to mention they were both holding drinks).  The guy was one of the aforementioned douchebags wearing a baseball cap.  And a few minutes into the main event, his hand went to grab her ass and didn't leave her body until she decided to sit down.  It didn't stay on her ass the whole time (though, that seemed to be his favorite part of her body)...  Oh, no.  I saw some boob grabbing as well.  And, of course, they were having a battle of the tongues, right there in front of us.

My thought is this:  Why in the world would you pay $20-$30 each to come to a concert, get trashed, and grab on each other, when you could do it for cheaper at a bar, club or in your own place?  

Seriously.  Grossness of way too much PDA aside, it just seems ridiculous to me to pay that much just to cop a feel or two.  Mind you, the $20-$30 is just for the ticket - jaeger bombs were going for $6 a piece!  PBR was $4 each!  And neither of those are going to get you drunk with one purchase.  

Yes, I know, they could have started drinking elsewhere.  In fact, I'd guarantee they did.  But they each had at least one drink while there, so now that $20-$30 each becomes $25-$35 each.  We're talking over $50 just to come make out?  Here's an idea: GET A ROOM!  It would be about the same (or a little more) to get a cheap motel room - which you can keep for the whole night - as it would to go to a concert for a few hours (and not even remember what the band was like because you were drinking and sucking face the whole time).

Note: Before you go asking me why I was watching, I didn't have much of a choice.  From where we were sitting, they were directly in my line of view while trying to watch the show.  When hands and tongues are flying all over the place, it's pretty distracting.

Thought # 2 - Happy Anniversary, Maxine!

On a MUCH more positive note, one year ago today we adopted the best dog in the whole world.  Maxine has now been a part of our family for a year, and we couldn't be happier!  In fact, it feels like there was never a time BEFORE we had her.  :-)

So happy anniversary, Maxine McPupperkins!  We love you so much!!