Crime Time: Girls Just Want to Be Dumb

So this is clearly turning into a Thursday post. Sorry about that, but some of the reports aren't updated until sometime on Wednesday. 

Anywhoozles, here we go! 

Some of this week's best come to us from some very special ladies...

A woman, age and residence not released, was arrested for fraud after attempting to have a fraudulent prescription filled at Walgreens, 6020 W. Brown Deer Road, at 9 p.m. May 23. She said the prescription for Promethazine with codeine cough syrup was for her nephew. This cough syrup is often mixed with Mountain Dew or Sprite to make "Purple Drank" a drink that causes people to get high. 

Your nephew. Right. Seems legit.

A woman, age and residence not released, was arrested for disorderly conduct after yelling and using profanities at Great Clips, 8689 N. Port Washington Road, at 4:50 p.m. May 23. The woman was angry, she said, because she couldn't get "a perm." She frightened other customers and two young children who were in the salon. She drove away but was stopped.  

Honestly, they were just trying to save her from herself...  

A woman, age and residence not released, was arrested for disorderly conduct after yelling and using profanities while in the drive-thru and inside McDonald's, 8737 N. Port Washington Road, at 2 p.m. May 26. The woman was in the drive-thru while on the phone and when asked either to order or move on yelled "Shut the (expletive) up" to the employee. She then parked her car and went inside where she continued yelling. When another employee asked her to be quiet she said, "I'm a grown person and can speak how I (expletive) want."

What the (expletive), man? This is a grown (expletive) person! How dare you ask her to be quiet, you (expletive)!

A woman, age and residence not released, was cited for disorderly conduct in the 1100 block of East Capitol Drive at 10:15 p.m. May 26. The woman, riding her bicycle on the sidewalk, stopped and started yelling profanities and making obscene gestures.

While it was probably the profanity and obscene gestures that did her in, I think Hubby might argue that worst part of this crime was that she was riding on the sidewalk.

An officer who pulled a vehicle over after observing it had only three functioning tires and was smoking from under the hood arrested the female driver for drunken driving on Main Street and Pilgrim Road at 4:22 a.m. May 29. After taking the woman into custody, the officer found two lorazepam tablets in her possession and she was also arrested for possession of illegally obtained prescription medication. Her blood alcohol content was unavailable.

All kinds of special. ALL kinds.

Now, don't worry, fellas. We've got some for you, too!

A man, age and residence not released, was arrested for disorderly conduct after yelling profanities inside Kopp's, 5373 N. Port Washington Road, at 4:30 p.m. June 1. The man became angry when he tried to order a shake and was told he had to get into another line. He then yelled and screamed with children present and also threatened an employee. He fled on a motor scooter but was stopped telling police he had "anger issues."  

Though they seem fun, and it might sound like a good idea at the time, remember that motor scooters don't make good getaway vehicles. (Though in his defense, if I'd already stood in line and then got told I had to stand in another line just to get my damn shake, I'd be pretty pissed off, too.)

Two unidentified people took several bushes from Aldi, 4615 W. Layton Ave., on May 28 and drove off.

Two weeks ago it was trees and dirt. Last week it was gardening tools. Now it's bushes. Someone's going to have a lovely evil lair when all is said and done!  

A man was arrested for aggravated battery at a home in the 7200 block of South Shepard Avenue after he threw a pair of grass shears at a woman, causing a 2.5-inch cut on her left wrist and a 1-inch cut on her left thumb that required stitches at 8:40 a.m. May 27. The man was angry because the woman told him to clean up food he had left on a patio deck.  

That's a totally normal reaction, right? No? Shit... I've been going about things all wrong then!

A resident at an apartment building at 2613 University Drive called police at 4:47 p.m. May 29 to say his neighbor took his dog's feces from the woods near the complex and put it on his doorstep with a note stating clean up after your dog. The caller said he feels he does not need to clean up the feces because he hasn't for three years and thinks his neighbor is harassing him. Police advised him he does need to clean up after his dog. The neighbor was advised on leaving feces and profane notes.

Admitting you haven't been cleaning up your dog's shit for the past 3 years isn't the best way to start your defense. Honesty is a good policy, but silence is also golden... 

And my favorite one this week: 

A resident reported that a couch she had put outside her home for anyone to take was sitting in Greenlawn Park, in the 7700 block of South Howell Avenue, at 12:50 p.m. May 26. An officer spoke to a man who was sleeping on the couch, who said he didn't think anyone wanted the couch and decided to take it to the park to take a nap. The couch was moved back to the residence so it could be picked up by the Street Department.

It was there for the taking! No one specified WHERE to take it, right? The guy wanted a nap and there was a free couch; who wouldn't take advantage of that sweet deal?!

And so it ends

November, that is. So here we go.

Nov. 26 - I was thankful for...

Hot water.

It seems obvious, but sometimes I forget how lovely hot water can truly be. When it's cold out, and you get in the shower and it feels like a liquid blanket is covering you and you lose track of time and space for a bit... yeah, I love that. 

Nov. 27 - I was thankful for...

My camera.

During the school year, I don't get to play with my camera as much as I'd like, which blows. Hard. But, when I do have time for it, my camera becomes a part of me. If my house was on fire, and I could only save one thing (assuming Maxine was able to get out, or Hubby got her), I'd probably grab my camera (and/or my wedding and engagement rings, assuming I wasn't wearing them). I know it can be replaced, but when it's not around, I feel lost. Even if I don't have a lot of time to use it, I like to know it's there when I have the time. It's like my security blanket with a lens. And I'm definitely thankful for that.

Nov. 28 - I was thankful for...

Comedy/Humor.

If you know me, you know I can have a dry, somewhat twisted sense of humor at times. Or most of the time. Whatever. The point is, I love humor. I love to laugh. I love witty banter and a sharp tongue. I love randomness. I love puns. I love slapstick. I just love it all, from the (mostly) innocent humor of Disney to the wildly inappropriate slams on Tosh.0.

If you've checked out my "That's Entertainment!" page, then you know that I love comedy and comedians, too. I've seen Second City, Capitol Steps, Daniel Tosh, Jeff Dunham, Bill Cosby and the Henson Alternative, and next on my wish list are Gabriel Iglesias (Fluffy) and Lewis Black. I just can't get enough! Laughter is, of course, the best medicine, and for that I'm thankful.

Nov. 29 - I was thankful for...

Delivery.

Sometimes, it's just nice to have your food brought straight to you. Yesterday we found out we won one of the 2 million free Papa John's pizzas, and since we were a bit low on funds (today is payday; woohoo!), we decided it was a sign. We felt bad about just ordering a free pizza, though, so we got some cheese sticks and Mountain Dew to go with it. It took forever to get here, but I figure that's the tradeoff we sometimes make so that we don't have to go out in search of food, leaving the warmth and comfort of our house. 

Whether it's JJ's, pizza, Chinese, or whatever, I love having food delivered. We don't do it frequently, so it's a bit of a treat when food comes to me, instead of me going to it (or me/us having to prepare it). Paper plates and TV trays may not be classy, but there's something satisfying about it anyway. Plus, no dishes to clean. Booya. Definitely thankful for that (as I'm sure Hubby is, too)! 

Nov. 30 - I am thankful for...

Me.

I guess that might sound weird, but I'm coming to like the person that I am. I'm nowhere near perfect, and I still get self conscious pretty easily, but I'm smart and fun, and I'm a fairly capable person when it comes to my job, school, or whatever I really set my mind to. I've struggled a lot with self-esteem issues, so to finally be settling in and accepting who I am is sort of a big deal for me. And it feels a lot better than disliking myself or trying to constantly change to be what I think I should be. I'm thankful for that, and for everyone and everything who has helped me get here. 

So, there you have it. 30 days of things I'm thankful for. Phew! :)