Crime Time: Girls Just Want to Be Dumb

So this is clearly turning into a Thursday post. Sorry about that, but some of the reports aren't updated until sometime on Wednesday. 

Anywhoozles, here we go! 

Some of this week's best come to us from some very special ladies...

A woman, age and residence not released, was arrested for fraud after attempting to have a fraudulent prescription filled at Walgreens, 6020 W. Brown Deer Road, at 9 p.m. May 23. She said the prescription for Promethazine with codeine cough syrup was for her nephew. This cough syrup is often mixed with Mountain Dew or Sprite to make "Purple Drank" a drink that causes people to get high. 

Your nephew. Right. Seems legit.

A woman, age and residence not released, was arrested for disorderly conduct after yelling and using profanities at Great Clips, 8689 N. Port Washington Road, at 4:50 p.m. May 23. The woman was angry, she said, because she couldn't get "a perm." She frightened other customers and two young children who were in the salon. She drove away but was stopped.  

Honestly, they were just trying to save her from herself...  

A woman, age and residence not released, was arrested for disorderly conduct after yelling and using profanities while in the drive-thru and inside McDonald's, 8737 N. Port Washington Road, at 2 p.m. May 26. The woman was in the drive-thru while on the phone and when asked either to order or move on yelled "Shut the (expletive) up" to the employee. She then parked her car and went inside where she continued yelling. When another employee asked her to be quiet she said, "I'm a grown person and can speak how I (expletive) want."

What the (expletive), man? This is a grown (expletive) person! How dare you ask her to be quiet, you (expletive)!

A woman, age and residence not released, was cited for disorderly conduct in the 1100 block of East Capitol Drive at 10:15 p.m. May 26. The woman, riding her bicycle on the sidewalk, stopped and started yelling profanities and making obscene gestures.

While it was probably the profanity and obscene gestures that did her in, I think Hubby might argue that worst part of this crime was that she was riding on the sidewalk.

An officer who pulled a vehicle over after observing it had only three functioning tires and was smoking from under the hood arrested the female driver for drunken driving on Main Street and Pilgrim Road at 4:22 a.m. May 29. After taking the woman into custody, the officer found two lorazepam tablets in her possession and she was also arrested for possession of illegally obtained prescription medication. Her blood alcohol content was unavailable.

All kinds of special. ALL kinds.

Now, don't worry, fellas. We've got some for you, too!

A man, age and residence not released, was arrested for disorderly conduct after yelling profanities inside Kopp's, 5373 N. Port Washington Road, at 4:30 p.m. June 1. The man became angry when he tried to order a shake and was told he had to get into another line. He then yelled and screamed with children present and also threatened an employee. He fled on a motor scooter but was stopped telling police he had "anger issues."  

Though they seem fun, and it might sound like a good idea at the time, remember that motor scooters don't make good getaway vehicles. (Though in his defense, if I'd already stood in line and then got told I had to stand in another line just to get my damn shake, I'd be pretty pissed off, too.)

Two unidentified people took several bushes from Aldi, 4615 W. Layton Ave., on May 28 and drove off.

Two weeks ago it was trees and dirt. Last week it was gardening tools. Now it's bushes. Someone's going to have a lovely evil lair when all is said and done!  

A man was arrested for aggravated battery at a home in the 7200 block of South Shepard Avenue after he threw a pair of grass shears at a woman, causing a 2.5-inch cut on her left wrist and a 1-inch cut on her left thumb that required stitches at 8:40 a.m. May 27. The man was angry because the woman told him to clean up food he had left on a patio deck.  

That's a totally normal reaction, right? No? Shit... I've been going about things all wrong then!

A resident at an apartment building at 2613 University Drive called police at 4:47 p.m. May 29 to say his neighbor took his dog's feces from the woods near the complex and put it on his doorstep with a note stating clean up after your dog. The caller said he feels he does not need to clean up the feces because he hasn't for three years and thinks his neighbor is harassing him. Police advised him he does need to clean up after his dog. The neighbor was advised on leaving feces and profane notes.

Admitting you haven't been cleaning up your dog's shit for the past 3 years isn't the best way to start your defense. Honesty is a good policy, but silence is also golden... 

And my favorite one this week: 

A resident reported that a couch she had put outside her home for anyone to take was sitting in Greenlawn Park, in the 7700 block of South Howell Avenue, at 12:50 p.m. May 26. An officer spoke to a man who was sleeping on the couch, who said he didn't think anyone wanted the couch and decided to take it to the park to take a nap. The couch was moved back to the residence so it could be picked up by the Street Department.

It was there for the taking! No one specified WHERE to take it, right? The guy wanted a nap and there was a free couch; who wouldn't take advantage of that sweet deal?!