Dear Mam-maw,
I told myself to write this letter before now, but I thought I had more time (or at least I tricked myself into believing that). And sometimes it's hard to find all the right words at the right time. I'm not making excuses, just explaining myself and hoping you understand.
When I was three, we came to visit you in Oregon at Dot's house. For years I would bring up playing an organ in Oregon, and to this day I remember playing with the adding machine. I just loved the way the buttons clicked and the sounds it made while it printed out nonsensical figures. That's my first memory with you, but thankfully not the last.
I remember visiting you in Sun Prairie. In Wausau. All over Wisconsin. No matter where you lived, you had a room for me, and I remember picking toys to keep at your place so I'd always have something to do. Among the things I kept at your place was "The Giving Tree" - a book I liked at the time, but wouldn't grow to appreciate until I was older.
You traveled with us to Mississippi to see my uncle and cousins, and then Grandpa Chuck. I remember my parents explaining that you two loved each other very much, but you just couldn't be married. I was six, and while it didn't make sense at the time, I accepted it. You were an independent woman, and always encouraged me to be the same.
You confided in me more than once that you were afraid you hadn't been a good mother. And I know I always told you that of course you were. My dad loves you with all his heart, and you did an amazing job raising him on your own. But what I might have forgotten to say is that you were also an incredible grandmother. Were you always around? No. You moved a lot, and sometimes it would be a few years before I'd see you again. But I always knew you were out there, and if I had needed you, you would've been there for me.
You were always my biggest advocate. When I dropped out of college at 20, you told me that college wasn't for everyone! You insisted that I'd find my own path, and that I'd do great things. When I decided to go back to school, you told me how proud you were and that I could do whatever I set forth to do. And both times, you meant it. You weren't just pandering to me, telling me what I wanted to hear. You truly believed in me. When it felt like everyone else was disappointed or skeptical, you supported me. I probably never said so, but that meant more to me than just about anything else.
I have so many memories of you, and stories are flooding my mind so quickly I'm almost drowning in them. In a good way, though. They're warm and loving and beautiful. They feel like your hugs; a little too tight, as if you're holding on for fear of losing me, except I'm the one holding too tightly now. I want to settle into them, to find the comfort and support I always got from you. And I will. Just not right now. Right now, the only comfort I can find is that you've found peace.
Mom says you can breathe again. I hope she's right and that you're never tethered down again. You're too strong, too independent, too incredible to let anything keep you down.
I love you so very much.
Love Always,
Erika Elizabeth
P.S. Tell whoever's in charge they need to stock up on ice cream for you. Butter pecan. Cones, too.
Showing posts with label mam-maw. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mam-maw. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Christmas 2012: We Survived (Part 1)
Not the Mayan apocalypse; I already planned on surviving that. But the rest of the holiday, I just wasn't sure.
Let's go back to last Wednesday, the 19th. Things were going fine until I got a call from my mom. She had three things to tell me, and none of them were terribly positive.
The first was that because of the snow Madison was about to get on Thursday, no one was going to be able to pick my Grampa up from the airport here in Milwaukee. OK, no big deal, we can handle that. Mom booked him a hotel room (we don't have a proper guest room, and I doubt Grampa wanted to sleep on our sleeper sofa or the futon) and all we had to do was pick him up when his flight landed on Thursday around 3:50. Sweet. Sad that Grampa would have to spend the night in a hotel in MKE, but at least we could help.
The second was that Mam-maw (my dad's mom) - who is staying with my parents right now - had gotten in on the 15th, but had already been in the hospital. Ugh. She was dehydrated and sick, but fortunately my dad was able to go pick her up that afternoon and take her back to their house. Again, not good that she was sick, but good that she was being released.
The third had no up-side. My aunt's husband (my uncle through marriage) had been in a car accident and had died. That one made my heart ache. My aunt is one of the nicest, sweetest people you could know (a lot like Mom) and to know something so terrible had happened made the world seem wrong. Even worse was when I found articles online about the accident; it wasn't really a car wreck, it was a "freak accident" that killed him. There are so many questions that might never get answered, and I'm afraid the hurt will stick around for a long, long time.
On Thursday, the snow storm hit Madison, but we only got rain here for most of the day. Regardless, Grampa's flight ended up getting canceled, and Mom had to make arrangements for him to stay at the airport in Orlando and to get another flight booked (which meant Mom was on hold for almost an hour and a half). After my lunch break, Hubby asked me to check our basement for flooding, since a coworker of his was having some issues. I ran downstairs to check, didn't find any water, and came back to work, only to find that my internet was out. Poor Hubby spent about 2 hours trying to help me troubleshoot (via text and phone call), but to no avail. He called our provider, but they couldn't get out to the house until 2 PM on Friday. Great. There goes the rest of my work week.
Even better was when the guy came and figure out what had happened. Our internet amplifier is in the basement and, for whatever reason, is hooked up to a light switch in the back room. (See where this is going?) When I had gone down to check on the flooding situation, I had flipped the switch, but when nothing happened, I assumed the bulb was out and I just moved on. Instead, I had essentially turned off our connection. (Insert facepalm here.) Thankfully, it turned out that had been only part of the problem; we also had a cable that had gone bad, and had he not figured that out, I might've gone insane trying to make our internet work on my desktop. Aye yi yi.
On the plus side, I got to spend Friday wrapping presents and finishing up crafts. I watched a couple of movies on demand (Mr. Poppers Penguins was pretty sweet) and cleaned some things up a bit. That cleared up some time on Saturday, which means I had time to make all 3 kinds of cookies I'd set out to bake. I made Oreo truffles, peppermint pinwheels, and meringue cookies with mini M&Ms (they were out of the dark chocolate and mint pieces by the time we went shopping). Unlike last year's meringue cookies, these didn't turn out to be globs of gooey messiness, so that was nice. And the Oreo truffles are kind of like crack (my dad told my family that the first one's free, but the rest are $20 each). And Mom really liked the pinwheels, which made me happy. Saturday evening, K got into town, and that night, she and S came by and we went out for dinner. I love having time with my sisters, and dinner was just what I needed.
Sunday we drove into Madison. Our original plan was to have our traditional dinner and gift exchange with K that night, but instead we went to my uncle's visitation and funeral. It was actually nice to spend some time with my family and it wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as I'd imagined (except for the chairs, which were terribly uncomfortable; Hubby's leg even went numb at one point). We also got to have some awesome Italian food after the service (thank you, Biaggi's!), some of which we got to take home as leftovers. That night, we had a fire in the family room and sat around to enjoy it, just Mom, Dad, Hubby, Mam-maw and I.
Christmas Eve Day meant more cookies! My mom made the traditional sugar cookie dough, and I rolled it out, used the cookie cutters and baked them up. While we let them sit, Hubby and I headed to grab some lunch (more Italian food; I'm not Italian, but I think my taste buds are) and then to the grocery store where K and S were ringing bells for the Salvation Army. Mom gave me $5 to donate (I give my money elsewhere) and we picked up some raisin bread for Mam-maw. When we got home, I made frosting and Hubby and I decorated the sugar cookies. We got to relax for a bit after that, and then eventually we opened presents (before dinner this year; another tradition broken). Hubby got me season 1 of Sherlock on DVD, Dumbo on blu-ray, and a couple other fun things. I also got a puzzle, a beautiful scarf, and we got a ginormous generator. Dad told us the idea was originally for camping, but that the unit he got was a bit bulkier than he anticipated, so we were given the option of keeping it or returning it to Gander Mountain and using the money for other camping stuff. (We're not 100% decided yet, but I think we're leaning toward returning it and getting a new tent and some other things.) Everyone seemed to be happy with their presents, and that's all I could really hope for.
More to come.
Let's go back to last Wednesday, the 19th. Things were going fine until I got a call from my mom. She had three things to tell me, and none of them were terribly positive.
The first was that because of the snow Madison was about to get on Thursday, no one was going to be able to pick my Grampa up from the airport here in Milwaukee. OK, no big deal, we can handle that. Mom booked him a hotel room (we don't have a proper guest room, and I doubt Grampa wanted to sleep on our sleeper sofa or the futon) and all we had to do was pick him up when his flight landed on Thursday around 3:50. Sweet. Sad that Grampa would have to spend the night in a hotel in MKE, but at least we could help.
The second was that Mam-maw (my dad's mom) - who is staying with my parents right now - had gotten in on the 15th, but had already been in the hospital. Ugh. She was dehydrated and sick, but fortunately my dad was able to go pick her up that afternoon and take her back to their house. Again, not good that she was sick, but good that she was being released.
The third had no up-side. My aunt's husband (my uncle through marriage) had been in a car accident and had died. That one made my heart ache. My aunt is one of the nicest, sweetest people you could know (a lot like Mom) and to know something so terrible had happened made the world seem wrong. Even worse was when I found articles online about the accident; it wasn't really a car wreck, it was a "freak accident" that killed him. There are so many questions that might never get answered, and I'm afraid the hurt will stick around for a long, long time.
On Thursday, the snow storm hit Madison, but we only got rain here for most of the day. Regardless, Grampa's flight ended up getting canceled, and Mom had to make arrangements for him to stay at the airport in Orlando and to get another flight booked (which meant Mom was on hold for almost an hour and a half). After my lunch break, Hubby asked me to check our basement for flooding, since a coworker of his was having some issues. I ran downstairs to check, didn't find any water, and came back to work, only to find that my internet was out. Poor Hubby spent about 2 hours trying to help me troubleshoot (via text and phone call), but to no avail. He called our provider, but they couldn't get out to the house until 2 PM on Friday. Great. There goes the rest of my work week.
Even better was when the guy came and figure out what had happened. Our internet amplifier is in the basement and, for whatever reason, is hooked up to a light switch in the back room. (See where this is going?) When I had gone down to check on the flooding situation, I had flipped the switch, but when nothing happened, I assumed the bulb was out and I just moved on. Instead, I had essentially turned off our connection. (Insert facepalm here.) Thankfully, it turned out that had been only part of the problem; we also had a cable that had gone bad, and had he not figured that out, I might've gone insane trying to make our internet work on my desktop. Aye yi yi.
On the plus side, I got to spend Friday wrapping presents and finishing up crafts. I watched a couple of movies on demand (Mr. Poppers Penguins was pretty sweet) and cleaned some things up a bit. That cleared up some time on Saturday, which means I had time to make all 3 kinds of cookies I'd set out to bake. I made Oreo truffles, peppermint pinwheels, and meringue cookies with mini M&Ms (they were out of the dark chocolate and mint pieces by the time we went shopping). Unlike last year's meringue cookies, these didn't turn out to be globs of gooey messiness, so that was nice. And the Oreo truffles are kind of like crack (my dad told my family that the first one's free, but the rest are $20 each). And Mom really liked the pinwheels, which made me happy. Saturday evening, K got into town, and that night, she and S came by and we went out for dinner. I love having time with my sisters, and dinner was just what I needed.
Sunday we drove into Madison. Our original plan was to have our traditional dinner and gift exchange with K that night, but instead we went to my uncle's visitation and funeral. It was actually nice to spend some time with my family and it wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as I'd imagined (except for the chairs, which were terribly uncomfortable; Hubby's leg even went numb at one point). We also got to have some awesome Italian food after the service (thank you, Biaggi's!), some of which we got to take home as leftovers. That night, we had a fire in the family room and sat around to enjoy it, just Mom, Dad, Hubby, Mam-maw and I.
Christmas Eve Day meant more cookies! My mom made the traditional sugar cookie dough, and I rolled it out, used the cookie cutters and baked them up. While we let them sit, Hubby and I headed to grab some lunch (more Italian food; I'm not Italian, but I think my taste buds are) and then to the grocery store where K and S were ringing bells for the Salvation Army. Mom gave me $5 to donate (I give my money elsewhere) and we picked up some raisin bread for Mam-maw. When we got home, I made frosting and Hubby and I decorated the sugar cookies. We got to relax for a bit after that, and then eventually we opened presents (before dinner this year; another tradition broken). Hubby got me season 1 of Sherlock on DVD, Dumbo on blu-ray, and a couple other fun things. I also got a puzzle, a beautiful scarf, and we got a ginormous generator. Dad told us the idea was originally for camping, but that the unit he got was a bit bulkier than he anticipated, so we were given the option of keeping it or returning it to Gander Mountain and using the money for other camping stuff. (We're not 100% decided yet, but I think we're leaning toward returning it and getting a new tent and some other things.) Everyone seemed to be happy with their presents, and that's all I could really hope for.
More to come.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Working on it...
I keep trying to get caught up, but as soon as I start, something seems to come up. Here goes nothing.
Nov. 16 - On Friday, I was thankful for...
My hubby.
Lately I seem to have been encountering more and more people my age getting divorced (hell, I even know someone who's been divorced twice already). I mean, yeah, I know it makes sense and that as I get older, even more people I know will get divorced. But it's surprising to me that it's happening at such a young age. When I was younger, I didn't even figure I'd be married yet at 28, so the thought of divorce at this age (or there about) hadn't ever crossed my mind.
I'm sure I've been over the story of me and Hubby several times already, so I'll try to summarize for y'all.
Girl meets boy in middle school and has massive crush.
Girl "dates" boy briefly at the end of high school, then forgets about him.
Girl finds boy on Facebook 3-4 years later.
Girl "dates" boy again.
Girl talks to boy's best friend, who makes her realize that things are not working with boy.
Girl breaks things off with boy.
Girl dates, and eventually marries, boy's best friend.
There, now you're caught up.
Until I met Hubby, I had a "type" that I was drawn to. Typically, I liked tall, skinny guys. Usually with bad attitudes. Usually underachievers or troublemakers. It was kind of my thing. (Note that not all of my boyfriends fit all of these, but most fit at least half. Oh, and I had a different "type" when it came to girls, too. Shorter than me, for sure. And no twigs; I didn't want to break anyone. Anyway, I digress.) So when I realized that I liked Hubby - who is the same height as me, super sweet, and not just a skeleton with skin and hair - no one was more surprised than I was. But, as people so often say, it just felt right.
With anyone else, I was constantly trying to gain approval and affection. I was always trying to be what I thought they wanted and would give everything I had to get to that point. With Hubby, it's always just been about being myself. I don't know anyone I can relax with and be silly with better than I can with him. That means more to me than just about anything.
So, yes, I'm thankful for my husband (and all the events that led me to him, even if they weren't always the most pleasant experiences). I'm thankful that he loves me, that he asked me to marry him, that we enjoy being together and that he doesn't give up on me (even when I'm a huge pain in the ass).
I love you, Roozles. :-*
Nov. 17 - On Saturday, I was thankful for...
Good news.
Good news can make a good day better and a bad day tolerable (or close to). At the very least, at least it isn't another thing to rain on your parade. Huzzah!
On Saturday, my good news was that my Mam-maw (my dad's mom) is coming to Wisconsin for Christmas!! She's going to be at my parents' for 3 whole weeks, because (the second part of the good news) she's moving back to the state!! YAY!!! That was definitely a welcomed break in my day. :)
Trust me. If you knew my Mam-maw, you'd be excited, too. She's definitely not your typical grandma. (For that I had my mom's mom. But I won't get into that right now. Best left for another time.) This is the woman who wanted to visit a brothel (she lived in Nevada at the time, so there were some near her) just to talk with the women who worked there. This is the woman who wants to visit a psychic, who insisted she and I take an old timey photo together in Virginia City, and who isn't afraid to approach anyone at anytime (if you know me, just ask about the time we were at the mall and she got her nails polished; or about when she got her medical marijuana prescription... that one's just great).
So, yeah. Good news. Definitely thankful for it! More to come...
Nov. 16 - On Friday, I was thankful for...
My hubby.
Lately I seem to have been encountering more and more people my age getting divorced (hell, I even know someone who's been divorced twice already). I mean, yeah, I know it makes sense and that as I get older, even more people I know will get divorced. But it's surprising to me that it's happening at such a young age. When I was younger, I didn't even figure I'd be married yet at 28, so the thought of divorce at this age (or there about) hadn't ever crossed my mind.
I'm sure I've been over the story of me and Hubby several times already, so I'll try to summarize for y'all.
Girl meets boy in middle school and has massive crush.
Girl "dates" boy briefly at the end of high school, then forgets about him.
Girl finds boy on Facebook 3-4 years later.
Girl "dates" boy again.
Girl talks to boy's best friend, who makes her realize that things are not working with boy.
Girl breaks things off with boy.
Girl dates, and eventually marries, boy's best friend.
There, now you're caught up.
Until I met Hubby, I had a "type" that I was drawn to. Typically, I liked tall, skinny guys. Usually with bad attitudes. Usually underachievers or troublemakers. It was kind of my thing. (Note that not all of my boyfriends fit all of these, but most fit at least half. Oh, and I had a different "type" when it came to girls, too. Shorter than me, for sure. And no twigs; I didn't want to break anyone. Anyway, I digress.) So when I realized that I liked Hubby - who is the same height as me, super sweet, and not just a skeleton with skin and hair - no one was more surprised than I was. But, as people so often say, it just felt right.
With anyone else, I was constantly trying to gain approval and affection. I was always trying to be what I thought they wanted and would give everything I had to get to that point. With Hubby, it's always just been about being myself. I don't know anyone I can relax with and be silly with better than I can with him. That means more to me than just about anything.
So, yes, I'm thankful for my husband (and all the events that led me to him, even if they weren't always the most pleasant experiences). I'm thankful that he loves me, that he asked me to marry him, that we enjoy being together and that he doesn't give up on me (even when I'm a huge pain in the ass).
I love you, Roozles. :-*
Nov. 17 - On Saturday, I was thankful for...
Good news.
Good news can make a good day better and a bad day tolerable (or close to). At the very least, at least it isn't another thing to rain on your parade. Huzzah!
On Saturday, my good news was that my Mam-maw (my dad's mom) is coming to Wisconsin for Christmas!! She's going to be at my parents' for 3 whole weeks, because (the second part of the good news) she's moving back to the state!! YAY!!! That was definitely a welcomed break in my day. :)
Trust me. If you knew my Mam-maw, you'd be excited, too. She's definitely not your typical grandma. (For that I had my mom's mom. But I won't get into that right now. Best left for another time.) This is the woman who wanted to visit a brothel (she lived in Nevada at the time, so there were some near her) just to talk with the women who worked there. This is the woman who wants to visit a psychic, who insisted she and I take an old timey photo together in Virginia City, and who isn't afraid to approach anyone at anytime (if you know me, just ask about the time we were at the mall and she got her nails polished; or about when she got her medical marijuana prescription... that one's just great).
So, yeah. Good news. Definitely thankful for it! More to come...
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