Wed-nes-day CT

Yep, it's Wednesday. You know what that means... Crime Time!

A resident reported fraudulent use of his credit card, which he still had, at 5:30 p.m. April 27. It had been used at stores in Grand Avenue and Mayfair malls purchasing items valued at more than $700 including electronics and Major League Baseball caps from a number of teams including the New York Yankees, Seattle Pilots and Philadelphia Phillies. There was also a charge for $12 at Panera Bread. 

Rookie mistake. You need to carbo-load BEFORE the shopping.

Five Cudahy residents were arrested for disorderly conduct at a duplex in the 5900 block of South Hately Avenue, at around 7 a.m. April 30, after they engaged in a brawl over a dispute between the two families living in the duplex. The incident began when a 21-year-old man, also charged with battery and the only person that does not live on the premises, confronted a 23-year-old man over alleged insults to his mother. The younger man began punching the older man, and both men picked up small bats. The older man's 18-year-old wife then attacked the other man with her own bat, at which point the younger man's 17-year-old sister and 38-year-old mother entered the fray to subdue her. The 21-year-old man was hospitalized for a deep wound he received to his head.

Remember: Yo Mama jokes are only funny if everyone's in on the joke.

An 18-year-old Cudahy man was arrested for firing his handgun at a man in a passing car near 14th and Minnesota avenues, around 3 p.m. April 30. A resident followed the man's car to record his license plate number, and about 30 minutes later the man was located hiding behind a door in a residence in the 900 block of West Harrison Avenue in Milwaukee, and brought back to South Milwaukee. The victim was not injured, but at least one bullet pierced his car. The victim said that the shooting was about a drug deal that had gone bad a year ago, while the perpetrator said that it was because the victim had set him up in a robbery case.  

So, this was either about a bad drug deal from a year ago or because someone was framed for robbery? Seems legit.

A 35-year-old Milwaukee woman was arrested for shoplifting women's clothing and a purse at Goodwill Industries, 6941 S. Riverwood Blvd., at 1:35 p.m. May 3.

A 30-year-old Milwaukee man was arrested for shoplifting after he was seen concealing merchandise at Goodwill Industries, 6941 S. Riverwood Blvd., at 3:20 p.m. May 3. 


Dude. It's Goodwill. If you need it badly enough, just ask.

A 51-year-old man was arrested for shoplifting after police found $53 worth of hair clippers in his possession that belonged to Walmart, 6701 S. 27th St., after he was found passed out in Oak Creek at 2:55 p.m. May 4. After being booked and cited, the man was taken to West Allis Memorial Hospital for evaluation.  

Seems like a pretty hairy situation. 

A 59-year-old Mequon man was arrested for possession of 5.6 grams of marijuana found in a backpack at the Clark Station, 10355 N. Port Washington Road, at 10:35 a.m. April 24. The man had ridden his bicycle to the station and left the backpack on a newspaper box. Police were called and found the marijuana along with the man's cellphone. He was identified and told to get his property at the station. When he arrived later that afternoon, he immediately identified the backpack as his and after looking inside said, "Yes, everything's here."  

"I'm gonna get my weed back too, right? Right? Aw, shit."

Irrigation supplies and a well pump were stolen at Nature's Nook, 9801 S. 27th St., between Feb. 28 and 8 a.m. April 30.

Who steals irrigation supplies?? And how does that even get started? "Hey, man. You know what I could really use? Some irrigation supplies." "Dude, I was JUST thinking about how much I need a well pump!" "Wanna go steal 'em?" "Sure!"

A woman called police to complain about a man that was littering after she saw him placing large plastic bags full of garbage in the trees and on the ground in the 9000 block of South Aspen Drive at 7:15 p.m. April 28. Officers responded to the area and found six bags of garbage on South Aspen Drive and 30 bags of garbage below the Oak Leaf Park sign on Centennial Drive. The park was very clean with the exception of the basketball courts, and police later learned the man was part of a group was out cleaning up the community for Earth Day.

Damn those good Samaritans!  Wait...

A resident in the 5000 block of South Brookdale Drive reported a wolf or coyote in her yard at 7:40 p.m. May 5. Officers were unable to locate the animal. 

A resident in the 9600 block of South Shepard Avenue reported seeing a coyote walking on the bike path between Howell and Shepard across from East Middle School at 8:25 a.m. April 24. The caller was concerned for children who use the path to get to school and wanted officers to check the area. An officer checked the area but did not locate any coyotes.

You'd think that the cops would have something better to do than check up on a litterer or chase invisible/imaginary coyotes, but from experience I can tell you that some of the cops in the 'burbs get pretty bored and will jump on the chance to do anything police-like. 

So stay safe and stay smart, friends, lest you end up in my weekly Crime Time... 

Crime Time

For the past few months, I've been checking the local police reports to see what kind of shit goes down in the Milwaukee area. Most of it's pretty standard: theft (apparently women in their later 20s to early 40s really like to shoplift), drunk driving, vandalism, etc. But some of them are too good, bad, or weird to keep to myself.

So allow me to present the first ever Crime Time post. I check these weekly, so expect more goodies to come.

The following are from official police reports in the greater Milwaukee area.

A caller reported a suspicious male was "lingering" around the park in the 10700 block of West Cold Spring Road at about 8:25 p.m. April 25. The caller told police the man, described as a white male about 40 to 50 years old with dark hair, went in the Porta Potty near the back end of the park and when he exited the he had changed from his work clothes into a white dress. The caller further stated that when the man noticed he was being watched by the caller and her family, he "high-tailed it out of there" and was last seen driving eastbound on West Cold Spring Road. Police checked the area but were unable to locate a man wearing a white dress.

You'd think a man in a white dress would stand out. Also, he might've been "lingering" but was he really all that threatening? Maybe he can't be himself at home (sad) and needed a place to change. Or maybe he's a superhero! I mean, phone booths aren't all that prevalent anymore...

A 17-year-old Mequon youth and 16-year-old youth, residence not listed, were cited for disorderly conduct after a caller said there were kids fighting in a parking lot in the 100 block of North Orchard Street at 3:20 p.m. April 14. It appeared other youths were filming the fight, and when officers arrived, the group left the area. Police later identified the fight participants from a YouTube video that was posted online.  

Seriously? Kids, here's a tip. If you're going to be stupid (like, illegal or getting the police involved kind of stupid), maybe wait awhile to Youtube it. I know all your friends want to see, but that's what email is for. Unless you want to get your friends in trouble, in which case, carry on (but watch your backs).

Police were dispatched on a call of a suspicious person at 2:46 p.m. April 16. A caller said two people were panhandling between Arby's and US Bank on Silvernail Road and had a sign that read "Hungry, Hungry, Hippies."

Suspicious? More like awesome.

Two 13-year-old Milwaukee boys were arrested after they got into a fistfight at Whitman Middle School, 11100 W. Center St., at 9:58 a.m. April 25. The two were fighting about a kickball game earlier that day.  

Kickball is serious business. I assume that this started because someone wanted a pitcher, not a belly-itcher.

An Amish buggy, value not listed, was reported taken from a yard in the 8700 block of North 64th Street at 5:45 p.m. April 20. No other information was available.

Stealing from the Amish? I'm pretty sure that's a paddlin'.

A woman, age and residence not released, was arrested for drunken driving, no proof of insurance and lane deviation after she crossed the centerline in the 5000 block of North Lake Drive and stopped on East Circle Drive at 1:10 a.m. April 24. When asked for her driver's license, she handed the officer the window sticker showing the price of the car. When asked again, she searched the glove box and handed over a copy of the same information saying "I think that is what you need." She at first said she had one glass of wine about 7 hours earlier. When told she still smelled of alcohol, she admitted having three wines after dinner and a beer. Her BAC was 0.18.

"The price is wrong, bitch!"

A 43-year-old man reported his neighbor, a 52-year-old man, called him a derogatory name and "flipped him the bird" in the 9100 block of West Elm Court about 10:30 a.m. April 27. The neighbor admitted to "flipping him the bird" after the 43-year-old began "staring him down." Police advised both men to avoid contact with each other.

Isn't "flipping the bird" the most natural response when someone is "staring you down"?

A resident reported finding what appeared to be an "established drug site" near Highland and Fieldwood roads at 4:40 p.m. April 21. Police found what appeared to be a former campsite surrounded by bicycle tracks. Also found was a homemade bong.

Bicycles, people. They had BICYCLES!! THE HORROR!!!


So that's it for this week, kids. If you're having a bad week, just remember that you aren't one of these people. (Unless you are one of these people, in which case, sorry about that. But c'mon. It's kind of funny, right? Right??)