Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Hump Day - A New Kind of Quickie

Have you ever been driving home from work and suddenly you think to yourself, "Gee, I could really go for a new vibrator, but I just don't have the time!"?  Or maybe you're looking for some back-seat loving, but could really use some lube. 

No matter the problem, this place has the answer: sex-toy drive thru lanes!

All jokes aside, though, this story is actually a bit sad.  Alabama is the last state to have a ban on sex toys, so they can't be purchased without "a bona fide medical, scientific, educational, legislative, judicial or law enforcement purpose."  

To skirt this issue, customers are required to fill out a form indicating the medical "issue" that necessitates the purchase.  I can only imagine what some of those look like... 

Purchase: Vibratror
Reason for Purchase: I have a bad back and need this personal massager to ease my pain.

Purchase: Lubricant
Reason for Purchase: I have dry elbows...  Yes.  Dry elbows.

Purchase: Handcuffs
Reason for Purchase: My wife sleepwalks and I need them to keep her in bed.

Anywhoozles, you can see where I'm going with this, right?  IT'S RIDICULOUS!  Comparable to, let's see here... Medicinal marijuana?  "Uh, my leg kinda hurts and, um..."  "Here you go!  An Rx for some weed ought to fix you right up!"  

I'm not saying that there aren't people who may legitimately need weed (or sex toys, I guess) for medical reasons, but the fact that we're making people come up with lame-ass excuses in order to get these things goes so far beyond ridiculous that I'm not even sure there's a word for it.  However, I will now make it my goal to come up with a word for it.

(Uncrediculicious?  Ridonculary?  I'll keep trying...) 

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