How Many Candidates Can YOU Count?

Ah, Election 2016! I think it's probably pretty obvious that I'm voting for Gary Johnson. In fact, by now, I think a lot of voters are pretty sure they know who they're going to vote for this fall. But when considering the possibilities for president, how many candidates are people actually counting as being "in the race"? Two? Maybe three? Possibly even four?

In Democratic America, Workers World Party votes for you!

At this point, we are about six weeks away from Election Day and tonight is the first official debate. Those tuning in will see Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump respond to questions (and to each other), but they will not see Gary Johnson do the same, despite being on the ballot in all 50 states. Jill Stein will be on the ballot in 45 states (including D.C.), but she won't be on the stage either. Socialist Party (er, "Peace & Freedom"?) candidate Gloria Estela La Riva won't be up there, nor will Independent Party candidate (and former CIA officer) Evan McMullin,. And of the seven candidates set to appear on the Wisconsin ballot, five will be missing from tonight's debate. 

The debate stage isn't the only place third party candidates are being snubbed. Most media coverage seems to be making a conscious effort to avoid third party candidates. About a month ago, I read a CNN.com article about Gary Johnson and his fundraising efforts. Good, I thought. They're covering Gary! So I hopped over to the "Candidates" part of their Election 2016 section to learn more, only to find Clinton and Trump staring back at me and no mention whatsoever of Johnson. (For the record, if you check the section now, they do have polling numbers for both Johnson and Jill Stein, but you have to scroll down the page for pictures or additional information.) Another example: This past weekend, I was watching Face the Nation at my parents' house and couldn't help but cringe every time the host referred to Mike Pence and Tim Kaine as "the two" VP candidates. I kept correcting him, first in my head, and eventually out loud. "Two of the VP candidates. Not THE two. Stop that! You're getting it wrong!"

And they are. We may refer to it as a two-party system, but there are TONS of candidates out there! To suggest that Pence and Kaine are the only two VP candidates out there, or that Trump and Clinton are the only options for president, is just incorrect. With the help of Politics1.com, let me break this down for you all.

Number of candidates in tonight's debate: 2

Number of candidates on the ballot in all 50 states: 3

Number of candidates on the ballot in at least 20 states: 5

Number of candidates on the ballot in at least 6 states: 10

Number of candidates on the ballot in at least 1 state: 31

Number of candidates w/out ballot status, but available as write-in: way more than I'm willing to count right now (seriously... there are a TON)

A nation divided.

We're an incredibly diverse nation with multiple races, ethnicities, religions, sexualities, gender identities, condiment preferences, political affiliations, and more. How could we possibly everyone to fall under one of two candidates? So next time you think about how many candidates there are in this presidential election, remember this crazy long list of contenders. They may not be your candidate, but they're someone's candidate. (Yes, even the guy from the Pirate Party.) Everyone needs someone to believe in.

We Made it Through the Wilderness

Somehow, we made it through.

We went camping this past weekend. This is particularly significant for a few reasons. 

First, this was our first camping experience ever with Sgt Pepper. For the most part, he handled it like a champ. We had 2 minor incidents. 

1) We did kind of wear him out a bit on Saturday when we took a walk in a little park. OK, by "kind of" I mean "completely." Poor kid was so pooped that we had to carry him back to the car. And once we got back to our campsite, he made sure he was touching some part of the water dish at all times (since Hubby had just put ice in there, it was nice and cold), practically cuddling the damn thing. It was cute, but we clearly expected a bit too much from him in the heat. 

2) There was an intense thunder storm Saturday night. This was the first big storm we'd been through with Pepper and it had to happen while we were sleeping in a tent? Of course it did. Little man had super crazy eyes and wouldn't (or couldn't) stay still. We did our best to comfort him, but that thunder was insane. He was terrified. (Miss Maxine, of course, barely noticed anything was going on and slept through the majority of the insanity.)

Second, this was our first camping trip of the year. I always look forward to camping as a little family, and this year was no exception. Aside from the storm and packing up a bunch of wet camping equipment, it was a lovely trip. I'm already excited to plan for the next one!

Third, the storm itself. For anyone who has not heard, a young girl (10 or 11) died at Devil's Lake State Park this weekend. Reports vary a bit, but the gist of it is that a part of a tree fell on her tent during the storm and they were unable to free her. A quick Google News search will bring you up to speed, and Weather.com is even sharing the story. 

The family was camping at site 435 in the Ice Age campground; we were at site 338. You can see that these sites are pretty far away from one another (via this map of the campground), but I heard the sirens of the emergency vehicles. I didn't know where they were or what was going on. In fact, we didn't find out about it until late Sunday after we'd been home for several hours. 

The thought of "it could have been us" is one that is lingering in our minds. In fact, before the storm even hit, Hubby had mentioned something about how he was terrible for checking for "widow-makers" (branches that could fall during a storm) when deciding where to set up camp. I kind of laughed it off, but damn. In this case, they're saying the tree looked secure, so I guess it really was just a freak accident. Still, my heart goes out to the family. It should have been a fun trip with lots of happy memories. It should have ended with the whole family driving back home, lamenting the end of the weekend and the horrendous traffic. It should have gone so much differently.

So, assuming you've made it through all that unpleasantness, it might be nice to know that we had a nice weekend, though we were VERY glad to be back home. I'm not sure camping is Pepper's favorite activity, but at least we know what to expect for next time. We made an awesome dutch oven pizza (with Rocky's pizza sauce... YUM!), took in some beautiful sights, spent a lot of time relaxing and talking, and just enjoyed being there together. Yay!

November?

Happy belated Halloween! Hope everyone had a lovely day. :-) I watched Nightmare Before Christmas (of course) and Hubby took me on a "Halloween drive" to see some of the awesome decorating people do around here. We had pumpkin pie blizzards from DQ and we watched the new episode of Criminal Minds. It was a good day indeed!

However, every year I forget (and am abruptly reminded) that there is a down side to Halloween; the next day is November.

While it's true that November does mean good things (Thanksgiving, semester ends next month, etc), it also means that winter is on its way and that another year is quickly coming to an end. I'm not necessarily opposed to this, it just kind of freaks me out. Wasn't it just summer? Weren't we just talking about how hot it was? Didn't I just change my clocks an hour forward!? WHAT KIND OF CRUEL JOKE IS THIS?!

Ahem. Sorry about that.

Anywhoozles, I'm going to try something for this November, to try and keep things positive and forget about the impending madness of winter in Wisconsin. With Thanksgiving in mind, I'm going to try to write a quick post each day about something I'm thankful for. At the end of the month, I should have a nice list of things I'm lucky to have to remind myself of whenever I get down. Or a list of really random things that makes me question my sanity and/or priorities. Seems like a win-win.

And so, here we go.

November 1st - I am thankful for...

Online shopping.

OK, this seems like a weird one to start with, but hear me out. I am, as many of you know, a very shy person. Some might call me anti-social. Some DO call me anti-social. In addition, I pretty much refuse to drive in Milwaukee. I've had my share of getting lost around here, and I am by NO means an aggressive driver (which usually means I'm the one who gets screwed over), so other drivers scare the crap out of me. Add those up and I don't get out much on my own.

While Hubby is great at taking me places and going shopping with me, I don't always want to bug him and he's not always available. Enter online shopping. Amazon has been my savior for years now, and I love my Amazon Prime account. (No, I'm not being paid to say that. I really just freakin' love it!) They don't have everything, of course, but more than enough for this gal. 

Besides, there are so many other sites out there! If I need stuff for the dog, BaxterBoo is amazing. If I need clothes, I head to OneStopPlus (big girls need clothes, too). If I want to browse random stuff, I head to places like Shopko, ThinkGeek, or Disney Store. And whenever I'm struggling with present ideas, gifts.com is awesome. Even if I don't find the perfect present, it never fails to give me some awesome ideas.

The benefits are almost endless. I don't have to go anywhere. I don't have to look presentable or even be fully clothed. If I change my mind, removing something from my cart is as easy as clicking a button. There are always deals to be found. Things get delivered right to my house. And a lot of stores will even let you return things (for free or the price of shipping) with little to no hassle.

So, yes, I am thankful for online shopping. It sounds silly, but it makes my life a lot easier and lot more pleasant. And that's worth a ton to me.

Rant: Bitches Be Crazy

I just got back from a quick trip to Las Vegas to spend time with my sisters. I had a lot of fun and got to take a nice break from school AND work at the same time (a rare thing these days). There were awesome people, awesome meals, and awesome sites, but one thing that sucked was the flight home.

K and S dropped me off near security and I headed on in. Thankfully, I didn't have to do the full body scanner, just a good old metal detector.  Phew! I grabbed some snackage and a Coke and found a nice spot to chill for awhile.

I had paid an extra $10 to board early (instead of being in Zone 5 or whatever, I got to board with Zones 1 and 2, even though I was in 24F). I met a nice guy who saw I was reading A Game Of Thrones and suggested some other books for me, and then I settled into my nice window seat. 

The couple who sat next to me were among the last to get on the plane. The gentleman (24D) on the aisle was (by my estimates) probably around 50 years old. He looked and sounded smart and polite, and seemed pretty laid back. The woman in the middle seat (24E) looked younger (maybe mid-thirties?), but she pretty much fell asleep (cuddling with the man; I assume they're married or at least dating) as soon as we took off, so I didn't think anything of her. I just kept reading.

I got a Coke on the first round of drinks, but 24E missed it because she had been sleeping. She got something on the second round, and while trying to set it down, sloshed some liquid and ice on to the tray. She almost dropped it completely, but 24D was able to help her out a bit. Some liquid hit me, and the most I heard was a mumbled half-apology that I think was aimed at the attendant (who was trying to help clean it up) but I decided that hey, shit happens. I let it go.

When the flight attendants came back through for garbage, 24E asked if she could get another drink because she had missed the first round. She ordered a vodka and tonic, and the attendant told her to hit the call button if she forgot to bring it.  About 5 minutes passed, and 24E hit the call button. Along came the vodka and tonic. Another 5 minutes or so and the drink was gone. 

At some point here, she went looking for a pen in her purse and couldn't find one. She turned and asked me if I had a pen in my purse, to which I replied, "I don't, I'm sorry." (It wasn't even for her; her friend across the aisle wanted to do a crossword puzzle.) Shortly after, she hit her call button again. Since nothing happened (she gave it probably a whole 3 minutes or so), she hit the button again to turn it off, and AGAIN to turn it back on. What did she need so badly? Another vodka and tonic. ("Not that I need one!" she told told the attendant, as she sloshed some more liquid onto her tray.)

Quick break to let you know that during the flight, I had a headache. I alternated between reading and laying back with my eyes closed to fight off the pain, and I kept my window shade down so I didn't have sun in my eyes. OK. Back to the story.

We had about an hour left in our 3 hour flight, and 24E sloshed her drink again. This time, a decent amount hit me right on the leg and it was icy cold. Still no apology, so at this point, I'm a bit annoyed, but whatever. Back to my book.

And that's when it all went downhill.

24E turned to 24D and said (loudly), "Next time, I want a window seat. Whenever we fly, one of us should have the window seat!" I hear that. That's why I request a window seat; I like to be on the inside so I can lean on the plane and control the window shade. Understood.

For the last 45 minutes or so of the flight, that's all she talked about. Loudly. She complained to 24D (who told her, "it's not that simple" to which she replied, "oh yes it is!") several times. She shifted around to look out the window of 25F behind me, stating that she couldn't see out her window. She kept asking the row behind us about how close we were to the ground, and asking what they could see, since she couldn't see anything. It was pretty damn obvious that she wanted me to open my shade, but she never actually addressed me (aside from the pen inquiry).

I was about ready to just open the damn thing so I didn't have to hear her complain anymore until this happened.

24E: "Next time I want a window seat! One of us has to have the window seat. I can't see anything!"

24D: "OK, but I can't do anything about it. Stop yelling at me."

24E (twisting around to try to look out 25F's window again): "I know, I'm not yelling at you. I'm indirectly yelling at someone else!"

So, in case you haven't realized, I'm the someone else she was indirectly yelling at. Once again, she never addressed me directly. She never once said, "Excuse me, I'd really like to see out the window. Could you open your shade?" or "Can I check the view?" or even "Hey! Open the shade!" It was all a bunch of passive-aggressive statements said to others around me. That's when I decided there was no way I was opening that shade.

I read until we landed. While we were waiting to get off the plane, 24E started getting all sorts of belligerent. "Oh my God! The people up front had like twenty fucking minutes to get their shit out from overhead! Come on! We're from Wisconsin, we're not that stupid!" Um, really? Because as best I could tell, people got up to grab their stuff as soon as the seat belt sign went off, which is the earliest you're really allowed to do so. Twenty minutes? Not so much. She kept yelling things like that. Even on the way out of the plane. ("We're back in Wisconsin! Fuck you, Las Vegas!")

I was proud of myself for being the bigger person and not saying anything on the plane. I also felt like I had done the right thing by not opening my shade. I had selected the window seat on purpose and no one ever asked me to open it. What's done was done.

Until I was walking through the terminal to get to baggage, and from behind me I hear, "...and I couldn't see anything 'cause she wouldn't open the fucking window!" 

Done.

I whipped around and yelled, "You never actually asked me to open it!" She pointed and yelled, "It was you!" as I turned back around.  "Yep. It was me."

To my back she said, "You heard me say it like 5 times!" So I turned back again.

"Yes, but you never asked me to open it. Had you asked me to open it, I probably would have, but you never asked me to." She had the decency to at least look a bit taken aback or (could it be?) a little ashamed. I turned back around and hauled ass to Baggage. 

Thank god Hubby was there right away. On the way to the car, I told him about the experience, almost crying because I was so frustrated and upset. I've never sat next to someone so rude and obviously passive-aggressive as this woman was. I had been able to bite my tongue through the flight. Never mind that I got spilled on. Twice. Never mind that she was CLEARLY trying to goad me into opening my shade for her. I let it all go. But bitching about it in the airport after all was said and done? That was the last straw.

Hubby says I did the right thing and not to dwell on it. I'm not dwelling, but I am reflecting and I agree. I did nothing wrong. I don't work for her or take orders from her. I don't have to open my window shade because she wants to see how far up we are (which, btw, is almost impossible from the middle seat anyway, because I sure as hell wasn't going to let her lean over me; I was reading!). I was never addressed, so I never acted. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

So, if you're out there, 24E, I'm sorry you couldn't see out the window. But next time, either get a damn window seat, or think about asking someone directly if you can see out their window (just because you're in a row, it doesn't make it your window), rather than being a passive-aggressive tuna* who thinks the world revolves around her every desire. You're old enough to know better, bitch.

*My alternative for the 'C' word.

What's Done is Done

The Wisconsin recall elections are over.  Finally.  

And now, I have some things to say.

First - I didn't vote yesterday.  Nope.  Not the first time, probably not the last time.  

My reasons were different this time around.  Rather than feeling under informed, I felt like I'd been beaten to death with information: facts stated as opinions, opinions stated as facts, and mud-slinging to boot.  From both sides.  It was sickening.

Don't get me wrong.  I tried.  I really, honestly tried to take a side.  It felt like as soon as I was close to making a decision, something new came to light that made me back off and rethink the whole damn thing.  In the end, I couldn't justify voting when I couldn't decide who to vote for.

I managed to remain fairly silent about the whole ordeal.  Many of my friends were dead-set on recalling Walker.  Others stood behind him the whole way.  I kept my mouth shut and stayed out of things.  Why?  Because I was scared.

These days, I'm normally not too afraid to share my opinions, especially on here.  But I took the coward's way out and am writing this post the day after the recall elections.  First, so no one could try to goad me into voting one way or the other.  It's over.  I didn't vote.  Let's move on.  Second, because I saw people lose friends over this insanity.  I saw debates that turned personal and cruel.  I felt like saying the "wrong" thing was going to turn my life into Hell, that I would lose the respect of people that I like or even love.

Quite honestly, I'm still scared.  As soon as I post this, it's out there.  It's beyond my control.  Once I've said it, I can't un-say it.  But I have to believe that my friends will respect and love me enough that they will see beyond this and just keep loving me for who I am.      

That being said...

To Walker supporters: You prevailed.  Congratulations.  Please, though, remember to be kind.  People in this state felt strongly enough to initiate a recall of the man you support.  Winning doesn't give you the right to gloat.  It doesn't mean you should talk down to anyone or feel superior in any way.  Be gracious.  It could have gone the other way; think about how you would like to be treated in that case.  Most of all, if you stand behind Walker, don't be surprised when certain people are shocked or even disgusted by your opinion, but do be respectful and be willing to defend what you believe in.   

To recall supporters:  I'm so sorry.  I'm sorry that this happened, that you felt so strongly about something and it didn't work out.  I'm sorry that you're feeling hurt, let down, and angry.  But remember to be proud that you stood up for what you felt was right and stood against what you felt was wrong.  And like the Walker supporters, I ask you to remember that it could have gone the other way.  When your side loses, it's pretty easy to say that you would've been kinder about things (any good sports fan knows how this goes).  I'm not saying you have to take any bullying or that you should let anyone look down on you; no one should have to endure that.  Just remember that the tides will turn, and remember how this feels. 

To everyone: What's done is done.  I know damn near everyone has something to say about the results, and I truly believe you are all entitled to your opinions.  That's part of being human.  But don't shove it down someone's throat.  Don't rub anyone's face in your victory, and don't place blame on someone just because they think differently.  And please, don't throw away friends because they didn't vote the way you did or because they voice a different opinion.  If they're acting like a dick, then fine, only you can make that call.  But think twice before you do anything hasty.

There you have it.  It wasn't eloquent or spectacularly original, but it's me. <3             

Keep Both Eyes on the Puck

It's for your own safety.

Last night, Hubby and I went to a Milwaukee Admirals game.  (For those unfamiliar with the Ads, this is our local AHL team.)

Now, I will be the first to admit that I don't know dick about hockey.  Here's the extent of my knowledge:

People hit a puck with a stick and try to get it into the other team's goal.  

OK, I know a few other things, too, I suppose.  Like, it's OK to slam someone into the wall (in fact, checking seems to be encouraged, at least by the crowd), but if you do something too naughty (hooking, slashing, tripping...), you get sent to the penalty box (which means power play for the other team).  

Anywhoozles, I don't care.  Without knowing anything about it, hockey is damn fun to watch.  It's fast-paced, semi-violent, and exciting.  What else do you need?

Well, going to an Ads game reminds me of going to a minor league baseball game (Mallards, anyone?).  Any time there's a small break, there's some kind of contest or trivia going on.  And between periods, we get to watch random fans do ridiculous things to win a prize.  Also, Zambonis.  Need I say more? 

Last night was pickle night (apparently today is pickle day?), so most things were pickle-related.  There was a pickle-eating contest, pickle trivia, and even pickle relay races on the ice.  Hubby got to wear a paper pickle hat, which made my whole night.  And I learned things!  Like, Cleopatra apparently attributed her beauty to eating pickles.  Who knew?  

My favorite part of any Ads game is the mini-blimp that putters around before the game and between periods.  I always want to find the guy/gal who controls it and ask if I can give it a whirl.  It just looks like fun!  Plus, it drops coupons on people.  What's not to love?  Add a pirate ship to the mix and you've got one heck of a show, my friends.

The game was a close one, and it came down to 4-on-4 sudden death OT.  With mere seconds left on the clock (the main clock said 3.1, but I've heard it was more like 4.5), the Ads scored for the win.  It was pretty insane, and a TON of fun to be there for!  If you want to check out any of the highlights, you can go to the Admirals TV page for videos.

Aside from the normal hockey related things, other items of interest included:

• A little girl in the bathroom whose mother wanted her to hurry up so they didn't miss the game.  "OK, the game's going to start!  Let's get going!"  Little girl pops out of the stall.  "Ta da!!"  I told Hubby about this, observing that small children are instantly 400 times funnier when they're in a public bathroom.  This prompted Hubby to ask, "What was that little girl's song?"  And thus I began singing, "I love potatoes!"
• A little boy (maybe about 5 or 6?) across the ice from us who was dancing up a storm all night!  He even busted out the sprinkler.  I was thoroughly impressed.
• An awesome older lady got to ride along on one of the Zambonis.  She spent the whole time waving to the crowd and smiling.  That woman is my new hero.
• One of the poor girls involved in a pickle race kept mooning the stands when she bent over for a pickle.  Not good.  I'm pretty sure that would be one of my worst nightmares come true.
• David Greuber was sling-shotted down the ice into giant boxes of Uncle Ben's.  If you're from Milwaukee, you know who David Greuber is.  "One call, that's all..."  I was glad he didn't win the contest.  That man annoys the piss out of me.

So, it was a fun night with the hubs, and we agreed that we definitely need to go watch more hockey games!  Maybe I'll learn something about it one of these days...  



    

Baby, It's COLD Outside!!

We're finally back up to double digits here (10° counts!), but with a wind chill that's still below zero, I'm finding it hard to take comfort in that.  Add to that the snow that's been falling for the past few hours and I'm more than happy to stay in my nice, warm house, thank you very much.

At least it's warmer than yesterday, which was, as Hubby confirmed, booger-freezin' cold.  The only reason I left the house was to venture to Chipotle for dinner with some friends.  If not for the idea of tasty foodstuffs, I would've hidden under the covers and refused to show my face again until spring.  (Oh, if only that were an option...)

Instead, I must be content with the knowledge that we are 44 days away from a week of warmer weather in beautiful Florida.  Until then, I'll use music as a distraction/escape from the weather.

1) The Beach Boys - "Kokomo"  Who doesn't want to go to Bermuda or Bahama (come on, pretty mama!)?  It's easy to get lost in this song and imagine yourself on a beach, relaxing and listening to the waves rolling in, and that's definitely where I wanna go.  (Of course, The Muppets do a super fun version of this song, too!  Though, I find myself giggling more than relaxing during their version.)

2) David Lee Roth - "California Girls"  OK, so, it's sort of a terrible song (and yeah, I could've gone with the Beach Boys version, but this video is just too hilariously horrible), but it does make me think about warm Cali beaches and bikini-clad women.  Whatever you gotta do to keep warm, right?

3) Bowling For Soup - "Ohio (Come Back to Texas)"  I can appreciate the sentiment.  Like Ohio, there's nothing wrong with Wisconsin... Except the snow and the rain.  And the cold.  And crazy political shit.  But I digress... 

Sorry, kids, but I only have time for 3 songs today.  Go ahead and tell me what songs help keep you warm when it's cold out so I can add them for extra warmth!  I just may need it...

Epic Win(s).

Just a quick note to share how very excited and proud I am of all the great Wisconsin sports teams that played this weekend.  Two wins for the Brewers, a slaughter for the Badgers, and a 4-0 record for the Packers.  Wisconsin may never see such an epic sports weekend again, and I just had to make note of it.

Sconnie pride!!  <3

Puppet Up!

On Friday afternoon, Hubby asked me if I wanted to go downtown that evening.  He mentioned there was a show he wanted to take me to as an anniversary gift (belated, but still appreciated!).  I agreed and he asked if I wanted to know what it was or if I wanted it to be a surprise.  I decided to be surprised.

This decision nearly killed me.  I spent the whole afternoon thinking up possible shows he would take me to, but kept my curiosity in check enough not to go searching for the answer.  Hubby had said I should dress casually, no kids were allowed and that the doors opened at 6.  That was all I knew.

We parked downtown and walked past the Riverside theatre.  Hubby had thought we were headed there, but the show was at the Pabst, which is a few blocks away (confusing, but at least it was close).  He got our tickets from will call and asked if I wanted to see them.  So he handed them to me.  The show was listed as "Henson Alternative: Stuffed and Unstrung."  Oh dear.

"Do you know what it is?"

I looked at Hubby.  "Uh, I have a pretty rough idea.  I'm guessing... puppets.  But, adult-themed puppets?"

Confirmed.  Hubby said he had found out about this from his boss/owner of the company and that it was essentially "naughty" Muppets.  So we wandered in to have a drink in the lobby and eventually settled into our seats, which were right in the center, row E (and yes, that's approximately equal to row 5).  Beautiful view of the stage, and also of the ginormous monitors.  Prior to the show, the monitors showed information about the performers involved in the show.  Among them were Paul Rugg (the voice of Freakazoid, a childhood favorite of mine) and the woman who voiced Chairry on Pee Wee's Playhouse.  Needless to say, I was pretty psyched.

When the show started, I knew we were in for some fun.  A nice Muppet (and his pet fish) informed us that this was like seeing two shows in one.  On the monitors, we could watch the Muppets doing their thing.  On the stage, we could watch the puppeteers doing everything else.  Pretty cool actually.

It turned out to be part scripted and part improv.  The scripted parts included recreations of two original Jim Henson sketches from back in the day.  They showed the original on the screens, and the recreation occurred on the stage.  It was amazing and the performers did a beautiful job paying tribute to some classic sketches.

The improv...  Holy crap.  First of all, the "host" was Patrick Bristow.  You might remember him from Ellen (as in, her original comedy series) or, if you're a Disney Channel freak like me, you might know him from the Suite Life of Zack and Cody.  Either way, he's awesome, and watching him crack up on the side of the stage was almost as funny as some of the improv.

Whenever performers were called up for some improv, we got to yell, "Puppet up!"  According to Patrick, we were louder than the audience in San Fransisco.  (Never underestimate us Sconnies!)  From hot dogs staging a cheese intervention to Scott Walker as a super-villain in the next James Bond movie to a bedtime story about a trip to the proctologist (as told by a giant, digitally created brain puppet), everything was hilarious!  They had a whole stash of Muppets to choose from (we were a little disappointed that a few weren't used) and some fantastic performers to bring them to life.

So, if you ever get the chance to check out Henson Alternative, do it.  It is SO worth the time and money, and it's an experience you'll never forget.  When else do you get to hear Muppets swear or reference Linsday Lohan's beaver?  Never, my friends.  Never.

Jeff-fa-fa Dun-ham

Last night, Hubby and I went to the Wisconsin State Fair with one main purpose: Jeff Dunham.  But, we also wandered around a bit, taking in some of the other sights and sounds of the fair.

Hubby needed some dinner, so we walked around the food stands until he found something that screamed, "Eat me!"  I wasn't feeling the best, so I just grabbed a Sprite.  Sitting on the curb so Hubby could eat, we realized the rain was picking up a bit, rather than tapering off as we had hoped.  Once he was done, we headed off to the horticulture building, where we took a look at some of the prize-winning photos, food and plants.  When we got back outside and it was still raining, we sought shelter in the products building.

The products building should really be called the Noms building, IMO.  The vast majority of booths in this building are dedicated to different foods from the state.  It's not at all like the booths outside, where everything is deep-fried, on a stick, or both.  Inside, you can buy bottled honey and cherry preserves and all sorts of yummy foodstuffs to take home and enjoy later.  They do have some ready-to-eat food as well, but the food inside always sounds much better to me than the majority of things outside.  They have a grilled cheese sandwich station, a baked potato booth, bison burgers, and Palermo's pizza, to name a few.  

While wandering this building, we actually ran into my brother-in-law and his wife (as well as her family, including my nephew).  It was nice to see them, but little A was getting hungry, and so we parted ways pretty quickly.  By the time I checked my phone, it was already 7:48...  Almost time for Jeff Dunham.

For those unfamiliar, the main stage at the state fair is the Milwaukee Mile.  Yep.  It's a race track.  Better yet, it's uncovered, and it was raining.  Not hard or anything, but raining nonetheless.  This was my first grievance.  

My second was our seats.  Hubby had let me get tickets for Jeff Dunham only if we got the cheap seats.  So, I tried to pick the best cheap seats I could.  I got seats in the 3rd tier of the stands (cheap seats were 3rd and 4th tiers), as center to the stage as I could, and got us seats 1 and 2 so we were on the end.  As we went to find our seats (the second time, as we went up the wrong stairs the first time), the woman helping us said, "Those are good seats!"  I was pleased.  Until I sat down, and this was my view:

Seriously?  There was a giant fence blocking my view of the track/stage.  Nothing warned me they were obstructed view seats, nor were they any cheaper than the seats next to us who had no fence in their way at all.  I understand it's a race track, but they have shows there every night of the state fair.  That makes it a venue.  And the fact that I couldn't see the stage pissed me off.  Thankfully, I could see the giant screens they had set up, but I was still pissy.

Until the show really got started.  And then I forgot all about the fence.  I felt like I was at home watching a special on TV, and I laughed until my stomach hurt, and then laughed some more.  The rain stopped at some point, but I'd mostly forgotten about it anyway.  

After showing off some terribly awesome photos of himself from middle and high school, Jeff talked a bit about his divorce (sad panda!!), and Walter begged to know what it was like.  Achmed (the dead terrorist) had some issues keeping his legs in line once his son came out to join the show and eventually got duct taped to the stool.  Jose Jalapeno (on a steeeeck!) slammed Peanut with some great insults, and Peanut himself showed off his newly found talent of ventriloquism with his dummy Little Ugly AssJeff.  

My favorite part of watching Jeff is that you forget there's only one real person on stage.  The man is talking to himself, but save for the few times the dummies point out that it's really just him, you don't even notice that his right hand is missing for most of the show.  The illusion is magical, and if you think ventriloquists are lame, you just haven't seen the right one.

The funniest part, though, had to be Peanut reading a fan's email (OK, it may have been made up, but who cares) and tricking Jeff into being just as racist as he was being.  Effing love the fact that Peanut can make Jeff feel uncomfortable.  

I was surprised that Bubba J wasn't part of this show (we were on a race track, FCOL), but it was just as well.  Walter, Achmed and Peanut are clearly the crowd favorites, and though we had fun, a longer show might have gotten old.     

All in all, I'm so glad we went.  Though it was an entirely different experience than last week's Daniel Tosh show, I think I laughed just as much last night as I did at Tosh (though it was more of a "Hehe, that was silly and fun" type show than an "OMG this is wrong, but so f*ckin' funny" kind of show).  

Jeff's new special airs on Comedy Central this September, so check it out!  You won't be sorry.

Tosh.Oh My God

That's right, kids.  Last night Hubby, K and I went to see Daniel Tosh perform in Madison at the Overture Center.  It's OK to be jealous.

We had opted for the late show (10 PM on a Monday night really does feel late, trust me), which got started about 10-15 minutes late.  By theatre standards, that's actually pretty good, but K and I are impatient and by the time 10:01 had rolled around, we were ready.

Tosh's opening act was Kyle Kinane, a sort of scruffy man with a big beard and a flannel shirt (think of a lumberjack on his day off in civilization...).  Kinane opened by telling the crowd that he was going to regale us with stories of how he has "fucked up."  And while I was initially skeptical, Kinane had me laughing the whole time he was on stage, and I was wiping tears from my ears by the time he was done with his set.  From stories about being the sketchiest person in an Arizona Wal-Mart in the middle of the night to the poorly parked van with a 'stuffed dude' inside, Kinane had most of the audience rolling.  His short set had us all warmed up for Mr. Tosh.

And then came the announcement, "Ladies and gentlemen, Daniel Tosh!"  The crowd roared and onto stage came a dog.  If you've ever watched Tosh.0, you'll know just what dog I'm talking about.  The little black and white mop is just as adorable in person as on the show.  He was followed by Daniel, who was holding another mop-ish dog in his arms as he shuffled onto the stage.  

Hubby, K and I all agreed later that Daniel seemed kind of pissed when he started the set.  He didn't seem like himself, and really didn't smile until probably mid-performance.  Part of this, I'm sure, was due to the loud-mouth bitch in the balcony who kept shouting things during lulls like, "Take your shirt off!"  Daniel pointed out that he knew she was trying to be cute, but that she forgot the first rule; women aren't funny.  When she continued to run at the mouth, he simply said, "Jump," eliciting applause and hollers of approval from the rest of us.

Though it took awhile for him to seemingly warm up, he was still as hilarious as always.  Crossing all his usual lines without care, he made jokes about everything from Osama bin Laden to dead relatives to "19 and Counting."  And though a few jokes were recycled from past specials, the majority of material was fresh and funny.  He told us how he hates the Packers and told us all how our cheesehead hats couldn't save us from flooding since we're all so enormous.  As Hubby pointed out, some of the jokes aimed straight at us were some of the funniest.  One of my favorites had to be when he was asking for a nearby town to make a comparison, and chose 'Ferona' (or as we in Wisconsin call it, Verona), pointing out how much funnier his joke could have been with 4 seconds of research.

I had a fantastic time last night, and seeing Tosh in person is something I can definitely check off my bucket list, but part of me was just a tiny bit disappointed.  Watching his specials, or even just listening to them, always leaves me feeling like he's an overall good guy.  Sure, he's bashing everyone he possibly can, but you don't really believe he means all of it.  But his attitude and demeanor at his performance last night didn't give me that same feeling.  So when a few people started to stand for an ovation at the end of the night (we in Wisconsin - Madison especially - have a habit of giving out standing ovations like a proud daddy handing out cigars), I just couldn't muster up the energy.  

It was good, Tosh.  Great, even.  But I really believe you can do better.  Hopefully I can see you again and have that confirmed. 

Next Stop: Vegas, Please!

Tomorrow night I hop on my flight to Las Vegas!  While I will miss my hubby and the puppers, I'm really excited to spend another birthday out west.  :-)

The first birthday I spent in Vegas was my 22nd birthday.  Now that I'll be turning 27, things are a little different.  For example, I'm married.  Last time I was "kind of dating" someone (my hubby's best friend, in fact).  Kind of a big difference.  Also, I (probably) won't be getting anything pierced this time (whereas at 22 I got my bellybutton pierced at a placed called Precious Slut).  And the biggest difference is that I get to bring my sister home with me!

Again, as previously mentioned, I'm technically an only child.  But, I grew up next door to my best friend and her siblings, who I have adopted as my own.  K and S, my closest sisters age-wise, both live in Vegas these days.  K is a teacher and S is a student.  While S will stay in lovely Nevada, K spends her summers back home in Wisconsin.  How does she get there?  ROAD TRIP!

Yes, while part of my trip is to celebrate my birthday (and my 5th anniversary of my first Vegas trip), the main reason is that I'll be driving back to WI with K.  Last year, for those who don't know, I did the opposite trip - I drove from WI out to NV with her and then flew back (it was sort of a bachelorette celebration).  I'm looking forward to another great road trip (as, strangely, all of my major road trips in the past few years have been with K), and seriously happy to have my best friend back in the state for a few months.  :-)

So here's hoping everyone has a great weekend!  I know I will! 

Holy wow, man.

1) It was 80 yesterday.  It's 50 today.  Wtf, spring?

2) I am SO behind with work, but have little to no motivation to get caught up.

3) We got rear-ended yesterday on our way to pick up dinner.  We're fine and all, but it was kind of scary.

4) I miss being on vacation.

5) 3 more weeks of the semester... I can do it!  I think...

A Loss For Words

As y'all know, I'm a Sconnie girl.  And as many of you also probably know, there is some insanity going down in my state right now.  (If you're unaware, check out CNN.com.  Or even your local news.  I heard we were featured on the local news in Vegas, so...)

For the most part, I have refused to take sides in this situation.  I try to remain fairly a-political in most situations these days, as it helps me keep what little bit of sanity I may have.  Plus, my hubby is political-minded enough for the both of us (and potentially a small country... Love you, hubby!).  

This situation is ripping us apart.  I have friends who are essentially disowning other friends because of their views or opinions on this.  I have other friends who will let you say whatever you want as long as it supports their cause, but aren't willing to listen at all to the other side.  In fact, everyone just seems to be attacking those who oppose them without even a second thought. 

In my opinion, if you want to be taken seriously and be respected, you need to do the same to others.  Just because someone doesn't agree with you doesn't make them a bad person or doesn't mean you can't respect one another, does it?  

At this point, I am at a loss for words.  Sometimes, though, words aren't needed.  So, here are a few wonderful "wordless" songs for this Friday.

1) Mason Williams - "Classical Gas"  This is probably my favorite instrumental song of all time.  Also, it's rather fitting for this post.  Simpsons fans out there might remember an episode where the the plant employees go on strike ("Dental plan. Lisa needs braces!  Dental plan.  Lisa needs braces!").  While they're picketing, Lisa is there playing guitar and singing a song for the protesters.  When she has finished, Lenny (I believe) says, "Now do 'Classical Gas'!" at which point Lisa starts in on this epic song.  Awesome.

2) Booker T & the MGs - "Green Onions" Another wonderful gem from the '60s.  Many people probably recognize this song, but had no idea who performed it OR what it's called.  (It happens.  I mean, do you know how long it took me to realize that "stop children what's that sound" was actually called "For What It's Worth"?)  Anywhoozles, this is a pretty awesome song, especially for an instrumental.

3) The Surfaris - "Wipe Out"  Okay, so technically this isn't completely wordless, since they cackle and say, "Wiiiiiipe Ouuuuut" at the beginning and all, but this is still considered an instrumental and is still totally awesome.  Also, The Muppets did their own video for it, so how can you not love it?

4) Champs - "Tequila"  Again, there's one word in this song, but who cares?  Don't you just love being somewhere when this song is playing and everyone stops what they're saying or doing to yell, "Tequila!" at the same time?  Pretty sweet if you ask me.  Bringing people together a few syllables at a time.

5) David Rose - "The Stripper"  If nothing else, this song just makes me smile and want to dance around pretending (PRETENDING) to strip.  It also makes me want to watch "The Full Monty" but that's beside the point.  The point is that this is a highly recognizable song with no lyrics.  Excellent.

Here's hoping everyone has a great Friday and a wonderful weekend!  :-)  Cheers!